emily battleaxe as heidi holland. profile picture

emily battleaxe as heidi holland.

she's a megalomaniac. spoiled. selfish. self-centered. her values beyond belief. her uncontrollable

About Me


yeah, it's called BEING A WRITER.
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this november, i will be performing in:


city stage, springfield.
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i am ...

the battleaxe.


deliberate brutal love master (DBLM).
sharp. hardened. dominating.
the battleaxe sweeps all before her, smiting and what not.
you've had a number of serious relationships,
so you obviously have many attractive qualities.
you're well experienced in dealing with other people's weirdnesses.
also, like the drunken housewife chucking heineken's at her no-good husband,
you've got a lot of energy.
people can tell you're sophisticated,
so you find yourself the object of infatuations quite often.
but it's how you handle yourself in
your relationships that gets you the 'brutal' tag.
controlling?
imperious?
overbearing?
yes, please.
remarkably, you don't mind the same from your men.
you've experienced enough to take whatever you dish out.
overall, you're a very good person and a capable lover,
and when the time comes you'll make a fine divorcee.
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hey now, overcome your concern about the weather.
and whether or not im still alive.
check the vital signs.
so soft spoken and shy.
never gets high anymore.
did you poison my food?

forgive me, i've the paranoid flu.


i've been lying wide awake paralyzed by the buzzing of the television
these modern things we know, getting you off...
haunting us, these different meanings and spectral beings.
we're fighting sleep with broken, rusted weaponry.
sing so softly and low, like you want me to hear.
stolen what you can't afford.
what's that muffled beating for?
something i could never say.
speak so softly and low.
something i could never say.
(yltfos os kaeps).
speak so softly.

if you love me, let me go...


- "house of leaves" (hidden track) -
circa survive.

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he laid emeralds in her eyes, oh, but i'd already tried.
a bracelet made of gold and scarlet thread around her wrist.
and everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs.

oh, how seldom we belong
but how elegant our kiss.

we painted crooked lines but we danced in perfect time,
to a love so much refined, we know not what it is until
like a dullen wine we pour into a grief we know before
but it's never quite like this...

all i know now is regret.

it follows like a silhouette along the cobblestone behind me,
but has nothing to say except to innocently ask,
a voice as delicate as glass,
"do you see me when we pass?"
but i continue on my way.
- "memphis will be laid to waste" -
norma jean.

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but as for me...

i'm a walking paradox.

a simple gal with a complex way of thinking.
intensely introspective, yet obsessed with the past.
sweet and kind with an underlying rage.
many friends, but very much a loner.
outgoing in social situations, but prefers isolation.
outspoken and loud, yet painfully sensitive and shy.
egotisical and arrogant, with no self-esteem.
outstanding work ethic but totally broke.

go ahead. try and read me.

you'll need help with the big words.
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music keeps me sane.

...something has to.
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My Interests



writing. reading. singing. dancing. growing up.
leaving wma.
xthejewcrewx.
my pink ipod mini.
autumn leaves.
cemetaries/grave rubbings.
politics.
sarcasm and cynicism.
driving.
complaining about you.
dorks, nerds & geeks.
musical theater.
busting sluts.
kickball.
sleeping.
being jewish.
thrift stores.
anti-war.
revolution.
burping.
taco bell.
anti-drunk-bitches.
anti-drugs.

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I'd like to meet:



kurt vonnegut.

rest easy, genius.
1922 - 2007.


abbie hoffman.

edward r. murrow.

ann coulter, so i can poke her in the eye with my index finger.

im. emily battleaxe.
livejournal. emily_battleaxe.


the shit list.



g-shocka.

brendan.

phil pbf.

big sister.

matty.

shana.

maureen.

deejay.

kissa brutal.

bennie.

david.

ryan.

abby.

cat attack!

lynelle.

jordan.

boyd.

steve.

toomey.

meg pix.

kristen.

mirish.

jimmer.

matty b.

see 'em all.

Music:



a3.
a girl, a gun, a ghost.
a life once lost.
the all-american rejects.
the appleseed cast.
armor for sleep.
as i lay dying.
atreyu.
the beach boys.
bjork.
blink182.
bloc party.
boys night out.
the breathing process.
bright eyes.
buddy holly.
the chariot.
circa survive.
clint mansell.
comeback kid.
converge.
dead poetic.
the dear hunter.
deftones.
the dillinger escape plan.
dion and the belmonts.
dredg.
the early november.
eighteen visions.
emery.
the end.
every time i die.
fairweather.
f.b.t.m.o.f.
fiona apple.
francine.
from autumn to ashes.
from first to last.
further seems forever.
glassjaw.
gorillaz.
green day.
head automatica.
the hippos.
home grown.
the hope conspiracy.
hopesfall.
hot hot heat.
immortal technique.
the juliana theory.
the killers.
the legion of doom.
life in your way.
the machina cradle.
mae.
the mars volta.
mewithoutyou.
mogwai.

my hero is me.
no doubt.

norma jean.
oasis.
outkast.
pennywise.
poison the well.
radiohead.
red sparowes.
the receiving end of sirens.
reel big fish.
reggie & the full effect.
rufio.
saosin.
save ferris.
saves the day.
say anything.
the sellouts.
shai hulud.
smashing pumpkins.
soilwork.
something corporate.
the sound of animals fighting.
spitfire.
squirrel nut zippers.
sublime.
team sleep.
thursday.
unearth.
unsung zeros.
weezer.
with honor.

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Movies:



back to the future.
the muppet movie.
bowling for columbine.
the breakfast club.
the wedding singer.
ferris bueller's day off.
wet hot american summer.
good night, and good luck.
this divided state.
little miss sunshine.

i'm not a fan of movies.

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Television:



no cable.
i live on my simpsons dvds.

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Books:



slaughterhouse-five.
kurt vonnegut.
steal this book.
abbie hoffman.
stupid white men.
michael moore.
downsize this!
michael moore.
the simpsons and philosophy.
irwin, conrad & skoble.
the wobblies.
patrick renshaw.
maus I & II.
art spiegelman.
letters to wendy's.
joe wenderoth.
night.
ellie wiesel.
all the president's men.
bernstein & woodward.
johnny got his gun.
dalton trumbo.
the sirens of titan.
kurt vonnegut.
bagombo snuff box.
kurt vonnegut.
welcome to the monkey house.
kurt vonnegut.
the communist manifesto.
marx and engels.
the things they carried.
tim o'brien.
a lesson before dying.
ernest gaines.

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Heroes:


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emily battleaxe's details.
status: he's my suitor. i'm his mistress.
here for: lurking.
orientation: "six simple words: i'm not gay, but i'll learn."
hometown: easthampton, massachusetts.
body type: five-foot-eight / can't touch this.
religion: jewish american princess.
zodiac sign: aquarius.
smoke / drink: joe camel's bitch / lush-in-training.
children: never-ever-ever.
education: collmage garduate.
occupation: high-priced call girl.
emily battleaxe's ed-jew-cation.
easthampton high school.
easthampton, massachusetts.
graduated: 2002
student status: alumni
degree: high school diploma
major: leaving easthampton.
clubs: musical theater. newspaper. hating everything.
1998 to 2002
westfield state college.
westfield, massachusetts.
graduated: 2006
student status: alumni
degree: bachelors degree.
major: english / music journalism.
clubs: newspaper. hating everything.
2002 to 2006.

My Blog

application.

significant other application - round one. fill this out. leave your answers in a comment below. i'll get back to you.   name.age/birthday.height.eye/hair color.location.religion.politcs. how p...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Mon, 23 Jul 2007 01:07:00 PST

everything aquarius!

planet.saturn and uranus. element.air. quality.fixed. day.saturday. season.winter. colors.electric blue. sky blue. ultraviolet. plants.tiger lily. bird of paradise. parsley. perfume.lemon verbena. gem...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Thu, 19 Apr 2007 10:40:00 PST

attn: bands - NEED A MERCH GIRL?

need a merch girl?because you've found a great one right here.friendly, outgoing, responsible, organized and willing to travel around with child-like insomniac musicians who beg fo...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Sat, 27 Jan 2007 07:03:00 PST

battleaxe's livejournal secrets, confessions & issues.

secrets, confessions & issues.june 2006 to the present. volume one.     "Making the difficult decision between holding on, or letting go. I think I've settled on a bit of both, as painfu...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Sat, 09 Dec 2006 11:59:00 PST

the aquarian and sex... TRUE STORY.

i highlighted some very true facts... Aquarius (January 20th - February 18th).My favorite sluts are Aquarians. Why? Because if you don't expect anything in return, you won't be disappointed. Soun...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Sat, 09 Dec 2006 11:11:00 PST

some more work i'm proud of.

it's not often i'm proud of my work. of any kind.these pictures came out way better than anticipated.they're of some shitty band called the breathing process.they were taken at a show in danielson, co...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Wed, 29 Nov 2006 11:25:00 PST

the wmdce crew... "we're the tits."

warning!this blog contains photos of myself and fellow members of the wmdce crew being overly sexual and ridiculous. view at your own risk.thank you.manager battleaxe.     you know...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Fri, 24 Nov 2006 04:16:00 PST

significant other application - round one.

fill this out. leave your answers in a comment below. i'll get back to you. xo.battleaxe.    name.age/birthday.height.eye/hair color.location.religion.politcs. how politically motivated are ...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Thu, 09 Nov 2006 10:37:00 PST

a quiet evening at irish mike's...

minus the quiet.enter the post-halloween goodness extravaganza!   father james and sister matty b. gooch.   yes. these are the boys i occasionally see. and yes. father james is gripping a la...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Sat, 04 Nov 2006 11:57:00 PST

a nazi prostitute. they type-cast me.

ah. finally. a few pictures from when i was in cabaret in august.one of the best shows i've ever donethank you to mr. joe former beard for putting these up on facebook.   tomorrow belongs to...
Posted by emily battleaxe as heidi holland. on Thu, 12 Oct 2006 12:40:00 PST