Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie profile picture

Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie

I Shit Upward

About Me

-My Timeline-- Born Crooked on July 30, 1938 - discovered Whiskey September 04, 1939 - Drove a segregated Bus October 04, 1944 - Befriended a Cyclops In late 1946 (R.I.P. Booger 1912-1946, I miss you) - 1947- 1951 Alcatraz Prison (time served, But Y'all know about that) - 1960 Became a Episcopalian Minister - 1963- 1965 Alcatraz Prison (Tax Fraud) - September 17, 1970- Got Really High and Drunk With Jimi Hendrix - December 8, 1980- Met John Lennon (nice guy!) - April 6, 1996- discovered the Internet with Al Gore - April 7, 1996- Started an Adult Web site - April 8, 1996- Started another Adult Web site - June 5, 2000- Retired from Student Counselor Duties at Kalamazoo High - May 3, 2006- Removed Pants and Joined MySpace.com

My Interests

-Pissing on Toilet seats -Whiskey -Stamp Collecting -tasting fear -helping the misguided youth -praying -preying -bastardizing my kids (past and future) -making lists as long as my arm with topics such as: failure, revenge, sex, and possible movie titles -Words associated with Penis or Vagina and/or Hairy -Heckeling at Special Olympic Events -Dixie Stampede

I'd like to meet:

Walter Brimley, Trimaxion/Max as seen in "Flight of the Navigator"

Music:


What's your favorite....
Beverage (non-alc) ? It would be my own piss but, I just drank
Beverage (alc) ? Fuck You, You Fuckity-Fuck!
Color ? Snake
Food ? Snake
Item of clothing ? This was a bad idea
Meal of the day ? How 'bout My Dong
Feature on yourself ? Porno Feature
Quality in a guy/girl ? Don't Care (who wrote this sloppy shit?)
Phrase ? NOT GUILTY
Song ? I Cum Blood
Musical Artist/Band ? People still Consider This Art?
Sport ? Beating then Fucking people Who ask
Movie ? My Dick is Soar
TV Show ? Pawned it
Radio Station ? Bank took Car
Type of Chocolate ? Sexual
Eye Color ? Eye-patch
Do you/Have you ever....
Have any pets ? I don't "DO" pets (sick fucko)
Smoke ? Unemployed
Drink ? What ?
Have any piercings ? A Pierced Patience level with Fuck-off Surveys
Have any tatoos ? Scars (inside and out)
Cheat on a boyfriend/girlfriend I don't stick around long enough to care
Had sex ? This Box Is not Designed to fit my answer
Gone streaking ? Look at the inside of the toilet after I lay-one-down
Gone skinny dipping ? Fuck, have you seen me Naked? Skinny wouldn't come to mind
Been to Europe ? Where's that?
Been to an island ? For the last time, I didn't Kill that Natalie girl
Had stitches ? Got Medicare?
Broken any bones ? No, but I've come close with the moan bone.
Been stabbed/shot ? 15
Slept until after 12:00 ? Don't care
Stayed up all night ? Don't care
Danced like a whore ? No, but I have ass-fucked more of them than the days of the year
Hooked up with 2 people in one weekend ? I don't "Hook up," I hooker up
Turned down a dare ? why do think I'm here, Shit pile
Which friend....
Is the funniest ? No Friends
Is the prettiest ? The one I paid for the hour
Is the most handsom ? Don't hook guys
Is the loudest ? The hooker that has an outbreak
Is the craziest ? The Black dude that's looking for me (unpaid tab)
Is the most shy ? Don't Care
Is the most loving ? The one that's paid in advance
Is the most understanding ? That doesn't work (I've tried)
Is the most boring ? All Of Them
Is the richest ? Not ME FUCK-HEAD! but, I'm getting some people together to take care of that.
Is the most athletic ? Do have any ideas?
Is the most cocky ? I only Look after MY DICK asshole
Is the biggest sex icon ? My dick after 4 drinks and $50 bucks.
Is the most wordly/cultured ? Don't listen people's shit
Do you look up to the most ? Don't suck cock
Do you tell everything to ? Parole officer
Has the best clothes ? I'm not paying to look at the Hook's clothes (you fuck)
Has the best house ? Shit, not mine
Would you ever....
Eat pizza with chocolate chips ? I've eaten your bullshit this long, nuff said.....
Kiss someone of the same sex ? For $75.00, a gun and shovel
Cheat on someone you love ? Fuck pal, are you fuckin retarded? That's been asked, and I believe answered (don't care)
Run away from home ? I'm usually running to it for a few reasons
Lie to your parents ? they lied first
Lie to your boyfriend/girlfriend ? Fuck man, I seriously think I should have quit by now. Looks like the author did.
Lie to your best friend ? Nothing is "best" with me
Give a homeless person money ? Sure, ask that fucking question again
Run from the police ? Refer to the Run away question
Bungee jump ? FUCK
Sky dive ? YOU.
Cross dress ? Oh, this where you write some childish bullshit curveball question trying to fuck me up. Next.
Be an exotic dancer ? Look, this is really bad.
Walk out of a restaurant without paying ? How do you think I'm Unemployed and on the Internet
Scuba dive ? What is That
Go rock climbing ? What is This
Go spulunking (caving) ? I've heard this joke before, two guys behind the bar last night, right?
What do you think of when you hear....
Eminem ? Who
Bologna ? foreskin
Hott ? foreskin
Orange ? lou gehrig's disease
Real world ? Opposite of what this author thinks of it. You fucking useless survey
Fuck ? CUNT (I win)
Jack ? -Off
Cucumber ? Skull Rape
Hip-Hop ? refer to the tone of the past answers and apply
Uniform ? chick-o-sticks and Vagina
UniCORN ! ? UNI-go fuck yourself....
Rainbow ? getting Fucked in the ass pal
Clown ? THE END

Movies:

The kind of movies that got me kicked off of MySpace a year ago.

Television:

The kind in Motels that cost $13.95 on pay-per-view.

Books:

The ones that come in a black plastic bag.

Heroes:

I prefer Torpedoes or Grinders

My Blog

Ask Moonie This Week

Hello From Moonie,    Due to the overwhelming e-mails, I needed to answer this week's question early. "Dear Moonie, is Wesley Snipes the blackest man ever?" To answer this question with...
Posted by Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie on Thu, 18 May 2006 01:45:00 PST

Whale Butt-hole

Hello From Moonie, Recently, I was sipping some old crow and I recieved an urgent call. As usual, it was my uncle Hershal. He explained that he was in a fix (aka "rectal cancers"). He needed me to wi...
Posted by Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie on Tue, 16 May 2006 10:45:00 PST

ASK MOONIE THIS WEEK

"MOONIES QUESTIONS OF THE WEEK" Moonie, is E.T. really real? Why sure, and what you think is his finger is actually his dick. The movie is much better when you know that fact. Did you invent moo...
Posted by Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie on Sat, 13 May 2006 06:13:00 PST

UNICEF

Hello From Moonie,    I was catching up on some old VHS recordings of my favorite exercise programs today, and it dawned on me to respond to some e-mail's from my FAQ's question bo...
Posted by Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie on Sun, 07 May 2006 09:13:00 PST

Valtrex (Indeed, it's a brand new day)

      Ok, So I was talking to a close Native American friend of mine, and I felt this urge to dump. Unfortunately, I was in an atrium and there wasn't a porcelain pony wi...
Posted by Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie on Fri, 05 May 2006 06:16:00 PST

The ICEE really is the coldest drink in town

I was randomly pondering the other day about life's greatest obsticles. Ironicly, my pager started to vibrate on my favorite "Gods and Guns" belt. Out-of-nowhere, Wham! It hit me like God tapping on m...
Posted by Mr. Julius Hairy-Dick Moonie on Wed, 03 May 2006 03:14:00 PST