brian

Treebeard
concrete, chicken wire, spray insulation, paint, speaker,
CD Player (he says phrases from the films), etc. 2004
Elizabeth Collection / Artisans Gallery Rochester, NY

My interests include...

God, family, friends, love, life and life to the fullest, music: making it / loving it, recording engineering, art in general, oil painting, film, photography, dreams of traveling

rest in peace, Charlie.

From the Cotes: I thought you all might enjoy reading these quotes Whitney culled from Charlie's journals:October 1st, 2005 What you are is a miracle that has graced my heart for what reason I don't know. The way you live is a lyrical work of art and I can't look away.November 30, 2004 It’s like blowing in the wind, the leaves in the fall. Can’t stop me if I drift blending into it all.2002 But let’s face it, we’re all dying a little bit everyday ‘till we end up back where we belong. Let’s all dance into our graves...2005 Certainty is the cage that keeps us safe from curiosity. I’ve been released from the cage. I am the songbird And I am flying for the window, I know it’s closed but I plan on breaking through.2004 It’s funny how we call survival a blessing when death would be so much greater.2004 I’m still waiting for the answers to come falling at my feet. I’ll pick them up and look them over but all I’m going to see is that no one knows the answers.April 28, 2005 “Brown and Blue Eyes” Brown eyes, if you’re listening in there, I’m sure you’re aware that time Is on your side, but not if you throw it away with regret. Blue eyes, if I choose to compare, you’ll notice I stare You’re everything I needed, just pull me through I promise that I’ll beat it.September 16, 2004 “Wings” I want to be the passenger Let someone else drive because I’ve got enough to do so girlfriend’s got her wings. There are better things than falling in love, like being loved and loving someone. There are better things than having control: living out your soul, find that someone.2004 It’s such a difficult burden to carry, but it is also a motivating one. While cancer usually associates with a looming of death, it also provokes a will to live. I am always encouraged by my parents and girlfriend, who have been my greatest supporters since my diagnosis, to fight even when I am exhausted from treatments because I am loved.March 3, 2004 “Death Cab” Relying on uncertainties, ignoring statistics. Using just my fingertips to measure all the distance between now and when its over.Revised April 2, 2004 “Look Up” Look up, it just might surprise you I think we’ve found your cure. Don’t know where we’re going- doesn’t matter, Why do we need to be so sure?Where we’re going- it’s a better place But I can’t say for sure. Either way, don’t we know it’s for the better? And there’s no need to feel so insecure.The cure is the disease that brings everyone around youcaring for what they don’t understand. Helping with the load that’s just too heavy to carry alone.It’s like a coffin, we’re all on a handle. The second it drops is the one we all fall down.Don’t cry now Don’t cry ever Dehydration is far to clever, empties your eyes and leaves you tired...JOURNAL ENTRY 6/13/2005 Whenever people level with me and say how hard it must be for me to endure these harsh treatments, and that they admire my spirit and strength, I usually want to reply that these treatments are hardly brutal and are all worthwhile if they mean that I get to spend more time on earth with all the people I love and [those who] have shown so much caring love throughout my life and this treatment. It is almost impossible for me to refrain from tears every time I think about the incredible amount of love people have shown me. And if this experience has shown me anything, I think it’s shown me that God encourages us all to love in so many ways, even tragedy. It’s incredible how many people I don’t even know have shown me love and kept me in their prayers. Also, as tacky as it sounds, I think that if people could give everyone the love that I have received so gracefully, then the world would be such a better place to live in.JOURNAL ENTRY 9/12/2005 I think, normally, when someone knows that they’re going to die, that the typical thing for everyone else to do is prepare them for death. I think, in my case, and hopefully any other faithful person’s, that it’s much more appropriate to prepare the others who must deal with the person’s death. I’ll try to leave you with everything you need. I’ll be taken care of when I get where I’m going.JOURNAL ENTRY 9/24/2005 So I was thinking today, after hearing about Julie Lynch’s sort of self-realization- coming to terms with life experience, that I’m not sure what conclusions I’ve come to about life. I know I’ve learned a lot of valuable lessons and such over the past year, but I don’t feel so wise as the people you read about or hear about that come to complete terms with life and death and find profound understanding. I think what I’ve ultimately found is that there isn’t much that can be understood-especially when it comes to what I’m experiencing now. Maybe that means that all those other guys were just making stuff up to sound or feel profound, themselves. Cuz I have to admit, I think I’d feel a little more complete, myself, if I could bring myself and those around me to a new level of understanding- one that would ultimately allow us to better cope with all this. Maybe I feel obligated even...JOURNAL ENTRY 9/27/2005 * * * last entry I don’t like feeling pain. I hate showing my pain even more, though. I don’t like having people worry about every ache, pain, or cough I feel. Sure, I am grateful for their concern, because every once in a while, I do need help. I just feel like my state of health affects others states of emotion or happiness. I wish I could ignore the pain so they wouldn’t have to see it and worry so much.Okay, I can’t keep my eyes open any longer.

Cancer
spray insulation and oil on panel 2005
for Charlie