Bazza Kill Boy

I'm told that I smell of pork and that I would taste good in a sandwich which frankly, is a gross exaggeration. I would taste rubbish in a sandwich (I do smell of pork though)... I'm 25 and I work in an exciting and enthralling job (which actually pays well fortunately) which is much loved by the nice public. I work in Forfar, having been transfered from Montrose. Its good though cos I live in the big Mo' and I don't have to worry who I piss off anymore so its all gravy!! I live alone, happily...with no desire to get a flatmate until I start to struggle with the mortgage repayments. I drive a wee red car which still has a stain near the crotch area of my driver seat where I spilt Iron Bru on the very first day I bought it and didn't clear it up. I have an issue which I cannot resolve. I can't stop saying 'cocccckkkkkkkk' in a deep and disturbing voice.