Well, I’ll admit to being quite a sentimental individual. I have a marmite sort of attitude; I either love things or hate them. I’d consider myself quite a tolerable chap; I’m quite quick thinking and I’d probably laugh at your jokes just to be nice. On a personal note, Shakespeare is totally overrated, and I’m glad he’s dead. It’s just a shame the same can’t be said for the majority of celebrated authors nowadays. The 21st century doesn’t really have much going for it, in all honesty. If we were rewound 40 years or so- I’d be a much happier person. Illiteracy wasn't cool in the 60s. I know that for a fact- "OMG hi bbz u k? jst cuz i wntd t c u. iz al" Fuck off and die of Tuberculosis.
Whilst I’m in such a critical state, I’d like to highlight things I despise. Namely they are- People who walk slow- because they always emerge when I’m trying to get somewhere quickly and they delay me even more; but it’s not socially acceptable for me to push them onto the road to create a clear path for yours truly. It’s more of a frustration than a hatred, but the two feelings go nicely hand in hand.
Also, most old people- I don’t want to grow old and have a turkey neck, be bald and piss my pants. And old people walking round is a constant reminder that one day (providing I don’t die in a freak accident) I will be a Old codger, sitting in a rocking chair, wearing chequered cardigans and sucking on Werther’s Originals and it upsets me. I think once you hit 65, you should get deported to an isolated desert island where I wouldn’t have to put up with the constant reminder that one day- I won’t be able to get it up.
I also find modern fashion trends intolerable, namely when people label themselves as “A person who doesn’t follow fashions, I make my own and don’t care what anyone thinks†before they know it, they’re emo fucks and there’s a legion of them who look exactly the same. I mean, being honest and saying ‘I’m Emo’ is just as bad in my book- wear primary colours for God’s sake- you’re not going to disintegrate if you wearing a charming red polo shirt- you Mongols.
Finally, I hate people who follow horoscopes. I know it might be good for a laugh, but people don’t realise that they’re so horrifically general that it encapsulates any conceivable event; and people remain ignorant because the horoscope said “You’re going to meet someone newâ€. Well yes, you meet someone new EVERYDAY you clueless prick. I’d think of a better example, but all this fury is turning me into a sociopath.
I wish I was Raoul Duke. It'd be fucking mint.
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