A - If I've friend-requested you, I'm inviting you to read my profile. I'm hoping that either you might be who I'm looking for, or that you know someone that knows someone who might be interested. You can't really tell much about someone just from looking at them (or their space) so this is me trying to make up the difference and volunteer the right information.
B - The following is not a list of 'requirements', but they are just 'indicators' of a particular range of attitude. Who I'm looking for might be any 'type' of woman otherwise, but the following at least may be true about her. This "list" of mine is what I believe determines a true connection, independent of whether or not we simply "have things in common". And this is not a description or judgment of what I believe is best or right for everybody.
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-- THE WOMAN I'M GOING TO FIND --
1 – She believes in love.
2 - She doesn't say 'I'll believe in love when I see it'.
3 - She doesn't feel that true love, romance, or monogamy is automatically boring, impractical, oppressive, 'too serious', or not lighthearted.
4 - She doesn't automatically think of a relationship or marriage as something that ties her down or makes her property. And, she doesn't mistake having freedom or being secure with herself with not having something special with one man that she shares her life with.
5 - She doesn't say 'What do I need a man for?', but she WANTS a man, and a family.
6 - She's not just 'ready to settle down', but has ALWAYS wanted to find her other half and share life with him. And, she doesn't think that looking for something serious somehow keeps her from 'just having some fun first', she understands that spending that time and effort building something special can be a lot more fun.
7 - She doesn't try to miss ever finding Mr. Right by not looking because of where she is in life. And she doesn't talk about wanting someone to share life with while putting it off or being closed to it until it's too late because she's already lived much of that life that could've been shared.
8 - She doesn't feel that being serious about finding someone is automatically being desperate or co-dependent. And she doesn't assume that I'm just in love with the 'idea' of being in love because I care about it.
9 - She's actively looking for me, doing her part to help us find each other, not just letting fate do its work.
10 - She's not worried about being disappointed, having to settle, or falling out of love because she doesn't have the wrong mindset, goals, or expectations in the first place. And she doesn't think that a person is expecting their mate or relationship to be 'perfect' just because they believe in 'true love' or 'have standards'.
11 - She isn't just looking for a man who's already stable and established, but instead she wants to be there when the work of life needs to be done. She wants to be my equal partner sharing the act of living, be best friends, and actually be in love.
12 - She doesn't say 'I want a relationship but I'm not looking for one'.
13 - She wants to start out as friends, let a guy get to know her, and try to get to know him, but she feels that a person should communicate whether they want something serious and whether someone might even be their type. And she doesn't exhibit an inconsistency or double standard in how she relates to a close friend versus her boyfriend or husband.
14 - She doesn't just expect a man to have the guts to say hello when she's giving the impression that she's not even interested.
15 - She doesn't make assumptions when a guy is just being friendly, and she doesn't always think that a man is sizing up her body or tits whenever his eyes leave her face.
16 - She isn't always amused whenever a guy is interested in her, and doesn't automatically treat a guy's interest as trivial or typical. And she doesn't help the wrong guys know how to dishonestly 'push the right buttons' because she's 'searching' according to the fact that she's a female and doesn't have to put out much effort herself and/or can 'get anyone she wants'.
17 - She doesn't flirt in a dishonest manner to get tips or certain reactions and then complain about guys hitting on her if she happens to have such a job.
18 - She recognizes true romance and understands it, she doesn't only expect standard pretentious gestures.
19 - She doesn't hesitate to pay for part of a date, especially first dates.
20 - She doesn't have such an agenda or insincerity that she pretends to enjoy or want certain things before marriage that she's no longer interested in after marriage.
21 - She doesn't say 'All I want is for one man to prove to me that they're not all the same.'
22 - She doesn't have a gender-war mindset, doesn't perpetuate shallow gender-stigmas, and doesn't live a certain way just to prove some questionable gender-related point or fake gender-oriented issue.
23 - She doesn't try to be too shallow about what makes a guy seem attractive or worthy. And she doesn't sabotage the process of communication such that she often finds herself saying that a certain guy just isn't who she thought he was.
24 - She doesn't get her wisdom about men or relationships from television or magazines.
25 - She's an individual, independent, not pretentious, doesn't try to be different, and doesn't try to fit in. She respects the power of unconventionality, and is mature enough to not try too hard to act mature. She's naturally enthusiastic and optimistic. She isn't afraid to argue and enjoys discussing things, but she knows how to do so. She isn't a shut-in or afraid of the outdoors, might like gardening to some extent, paying attention to the weather, has a minimal interest in the sciences, and a reverence for our universe. She's not religious, racist, homophobic, or a gender-chauvinist. She doesn't only care about her own personal concerns, but instead she gives a damn about bigger issues and tries to understand them.
26 - Yes, she's attractive, is not too OUT of shape, likes eating half-way healthy, being hygienic, smelling good, doesn't like wearing very much make-up very often, doesn't always rely on her cleavage as an article of clothing, and doesn't take away what makes her an individual in order to conform to some supposed universal standard of attractiveness.
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-- A FEW THINGS ABOUT ME –-
27 - I might be a nice guy, bad boy, physical, brainy, humble, arrogant, loner, social...blah blah blah.
28 - While being very practical and self-disciplined, I have a strong creative and artistic drive, a unique sense of spontanaety, and a singular style of expressing myself.
29 - For many years my car was actually a motorcycle, and I have long hair, and I have a dozen tattoos that haven't been put on yet...but, no, I do not 'go to Sturgis.'
30 - I've always liked, and been good with, children and animals. It doesn't bother me to hear a child making a little noise in public. But when I say that I like animals I don't mean that I want to make them be my pet...I like them as part of the community of Earth as a whole.
31 - One of the jobs I've had that I liked most was at a pet resort/kennel where my job was to give the individual dogs their ten minute 'playtimes' outdoors. While there I found that I could manage some of the animals in ways that the trained or experienced people could not, and I never got bit while they had.
32 - Once when arriving at a mall I observed firemen trying to persuade a child locked inside a running car to open the door. When I exited the mall a while later and they were still at it, I approached and asked what was going on, asked the child's name and communicated with him, and they had him out within a minute.
33 - No, I don't ride a motorcycle because it's 'relaxing', I don't like camping or classical music because it's 'peaceful', and I'm not interested in extreme sports just for the 'adrenaline rush' or the 'risk' or because of a 'death wish'.
34 - I keep up with the sciences whenever I can. I don't read horoscopes. I know better than to think that science or being non-religious is intrinsically anti-god, anti-morality, or 'unspiritual.' I have a well-developed individual spirituality. I'm a certain brand of humanist/atheist/pantheist/panentheist.
35 - I disagree with anyone who argues for either a patriarchal or matriarchal society, and feel that sometimes they are revealing a gender intolerance or chauvinism.
36 - I don't feel that I'm in touch with some 'feminine side' just because I'm considerate, say that a flower is pretty, do dishes or laundry, am good with children, am able to cry, understand romance or making love or having good sex without help from books, experience, or Oprah...any more than a woman is in touch with some 'masculine side' just because she has a job, is not passive, can change a tire, may like a sport, wears jeans, is tomboyish, or whatever. I feel that having certain traits are about being mature, despite your gender.
37 - I don't dream about big boobs versus little boobs, or threesomes. And if it matters, I don't need Viagra or energy drinks, I'm not a minuteman, I have big feet and a big nose...and I sometimes joke that real men know what a tongue is good for.
38 - I didn't lose my virginity early in life, and one thing that I miss most about it is how much I could learn about people from their assumptions and responses whenever I'd mention it.
39 - I'm amused by the reactions I get whenever I state that I wouldn't automatically have sex with some hot chick, a model, or celebrity if given the chance.
40 - I don't want the woman who, earlier in her life, didn't 'pick' someone like me because she just wanted a sperm donor, only cared about having careless sex and 'just having fun' and didn't care about any closeness, didn't want to spend that time building something even more fun like a serious relationship, or had funny ideas about who'd be good in bed...yet, later in life she wants to use somebody like me to keep her company or keep her from being lonely because her desires changed only because of what's convenient or what she can afford now versus then.
41 - It's a turn off for me to hear women jibber-jabbering about how all men suck, are dogs or pigs, or that all men cheat, or that men and women are too different to ever understand each other or communicate well, or always suspect a man of 'looking' anytime another woman is present.
42 - Unfortunately, some people misunderstand what we mean by 'the one'. Yes, I'm looking for that 'one' person...I'm not trying to have a harem or multiple wives. Whoever I end up with, it will be that 'one' person, that one will be the one I've been looking for. But this doesn't mean that I think there is only one woman out there who could be for me. There may be thousands of women in the world with whom I could find that 'perfect connection.' The trick is to find one who isn't already taken, can become aware that I even exist, is close enough to my age, isn't too separated from me by distance in a way that we couldn't overcome, etc...duh.
43 - When dating, despite what happens between us or how much fun we have or how close we become, if a woman has a hang-up about making it known early on that she's serious about eventually finding love, then the chances that I become seriously interested in her are greatly lowered even if she comes to really like me...because it would be an indication to me that she might not be very serious about love, is trying to just 'take what she can get' and leaving it up to chance, is forsaking it, and is encouraging player-activity.
44 - I'm tired of hearing people talk about true love as if it were some kind of disease, or is 'too serious' or 'oppressive', or about monogamy or being in love or heterosexuality as if they were things to outgrow, or about how one person shouldn't be responsible for some of another person's happiness...oh no, we just can't have THAT, now can we?
45 - Yes, I know that I may seem like a dork for looking for someone on myspace, and for having not found anyone for a family yet at my age...that's just how the cookie crumbles sometimes. Too bad for me, right? But I'm certainly not just an old guy in a mid-life crisis looking for simple hook-ups. And if you're another person who thinks that I'm pretty cool but otherwise cannot understand why I haven't found anybody yet, all you need to do is ask yourself why you yourself are not asking me out or showing my profile to people you know...it's not a big mystery, nor that uncommon.
46 - I'm not a wealthy or formally educated guy, am not real tall, don't have great abs or arms, don't maintain a high dollar wardrobe, don't own a brand new vehicle...but, I could not be an alcoholic or drug addict if I tried, have never been abusive or bad tempered, don't tolerate fighting over daily problems or money, am self employed, I have good genes and health, am naturally very affectionate, considerate, strong minded, not lazy, and have always been the kind of person that does whatever it takes and could never give up on you or our family in any way. And I definitely deserve love, and a pretty girl who wants to spend her days with me.
47 - I am a VERY LIGHT drinker, and at this time a non-smoker so far. I am 5' 9', 150 lbs, 42, have all of my hair and teeth, and sometimes have facial hair.
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C - Ok, if you're interested in me at all, notice that I've put out some effort to say a lot of things, and that I don't want a woman as property, therefore I want her to make her half of the choice of whether or not we're going to socialize at all, I want her to communicate and accept responsibility for her half of pursuing a friendship or relationship, instead of expecting me to pursue her while she remains aloof or not talkative. We'll probably be meeting first online, so you must make it clear if you're interested. So, if you're a woman that likes the idea and fun of building a life together with our own kind of meaning...and you're not wasting your time with all the cynical attitudes and ineffective flirt games that keep you from finding somebody...and you'd like to start a conversation, then let me know...here, or at
[email protected]. And finally, If SHE (someone that I might be looking for but haven't met yet) finds this or a copy of it somewhere and 'gets it', but we haven't been able to find each other - I want you to know that I existed, that I didn't give up on you, that yes you've always been with me, and that I love you.
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