I do stand up comedy. But I'm starting to realize that girls my age don't want someone "funny." Girls my age like guys who are assholes. The movies always show the girl leaving the asshole and going for the nice guy. That doesn't happen in real life. In real life .... THE GIRL STAYS WITH THE ASSHOLE! I want my life to be like the movies. What I really want to happen to me, that happens in movies, is when I'm around a girl I can't stand at all and everytime we're around each other, there's always an insult and just remarks back and forth. And then one night we're alone somewhere and there's a huge blowout and we're screaming at each other, how much we hate each other and how we wish the other one was dead. Then there's a silent moment where we just stare at each other .... then BAM! We start making out hardcore and have hot steamy angry sex. That never happens in real life!
So my new plan of action is to be a complete ass to every girl I meet. I'll walk up to a girl at a bar and say "Hey." Then you'll look up with no interest and say "Hey" back. Then out of nowhere ........ BAM! I just punched you in the teeth. Then you stand there in amazement, completely frozen, not knowing what just happened. You're holding your jaw and staring at me. I stare back with a look like, "What?" It's at that moment, I'd like to see you try not to make out with me.
This is my 2nd appearance on Comcast on Demand that was at the Comedy Cabaret in Doylestown, PA. Taped on 8/15/08. It's just me making fun of my parents for about 6 minutes.
This is another spot I did at Comix in NY for the New Jack Showcase on 8/9/08. It's my take on relationships and being single. No mention of names to protect the not-so innocent.
