Count the number of exclamation points on your profile. If it is more than 15, you are disqualified. If you aren't sure what an exclamation point is, sorry, you are disqualified.
There are three different words that sound like "there." They're "their," "they're," and "there." If I have already lost you, you are disqualified. If you thought that was funny, you are granted three extra exclamation points in your profile. If you cannot distinguish between the three words, you are disqualified. Grab a third grade English book and study up.
The same goes for "where," "were," "we're," and "wear," and "you're" and "your." If your not getting this, your a moron, and were never going to get along, because I would hurt you're feelings.
Look at your picture. What the hell were you thinking? If your answer is along the lines of "it is a lot of hard work to keep my body looking this good, and..." or "ha ha, those are my scandalous boots..." or if it truly is just a picture of your ass, just forget it. Your good looks are not something to be proud of.
Look at your friends list. Are there a bunch of idiots with tattoos and piercings that make them look like the african ashtray lip people? Are most of the guys half naked and muscular? If so, move on. I'm not one to judge, and I'm sure there are plenty of cool people with wheel bearings stuck in their ears and tongues, but I don't have the time to sift through these tools. Sorry. God forbid you and I were to ever hang out and Zack the walking weightlifting tattoo comes in, interrupting your thrilling showcase of pictures of you and your friends posing with various alcohol containers. I would threaten his masculinity. He'd kick my ass.
Look at your messages from other people, especially the ones regarding your pictures. Are there less than two guys talking about how hot you are? Is there anyone on there that, given the chance, wouldn't have sex with you? Unless you can answer yes to both, think to yourself: do you really think I would put myself in the same category with these douchebags? Do you think, ten years from now, that I want my words eternally etched in a message: "damn girl, nice pic! do you have a bfriend? haha jk!! lol :)"?
Hopefully by now, you're getting the picture. Just in the case you're not, I'll continue a little longer.
Look at your profile. If you haven't written anything remotely clever, then don't even bother talking to me. I'm glad you like makeup and partying with your friends! Yahoo for your inside jokes! I'm sure that Fred from Calabasas would love to show you his souped-up Mustang! I, however, couldn't give a shit less about your "super-sisters." By the way, weren't you disqualified in the exclamation point count?
Do you really like clubbing? Yes? Wow, you're probably really hot. There's one problem: clubs are for Persian fags who want to kick my ass for saying stuff like "clubs are for Persian fags." I don't have a BMW or cool leather jackets to impress you with, and I'm not Persian. While I definitely can appreciate a hot chick, I'm not into shoving my way through Guidos so I can buy you an eight dollar Cosmopolitan, just so you can spill it and go dance with your friends.
If you smoke a lot of pot, it just won't work. I have a lot of friends you would get along with. Shit, my dad will even sell you some. But I don't like fried foods or TV as much as you do, and no, that shit on the wall doesn't "look trippy."
If you met all of those criteria, you may add me as a friend, but you have to message me and tell me why... I'm gonna probably ask you for the ugliest picture you have of yourself. We all know what an ugly picture is, so don't bullshit. Tell me the best thing about you and the worst thing about you. Ask me three good questions. If you made it this far, I'll at least tell you why I denied you. If I accept you, you are obviously cool, and a graduate of the sixth grade.
I'm really not this much of a dick, but the chicks on this website are retarded and I have better things to do than feed some broad's ego while she's busy messaging some douchebag about how much she likes his tattoos. If you find this all amusing, I will probably get along with you.
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