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For those who don't know, here are a few things about me: (1) Duane May's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.(2) Duane May doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.(3) Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Duane May instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.(4) Duane May recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.(5) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Duane May.(6) Duane May can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.(7) When Duane May does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.(8) Duane May lives by only one rule: No fat Chicks. (9) Duane May does not sleep. He waits.(10) Duane May can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".(11) The chief export of Duane May is pain.(12) Duane May frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.(13) Duane May once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.(14) Duane May doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.(15) Some kids piss their name in the snow. Duane May can piss his name into concrete.