The further I go the less I feel sure of knowing...and I didn't really start off a know-it-all to begin with. So...since I accidentally deleted the "about me" that had been up here for years...I find that I'm a bit at a loss as to what to fill this spot with. I'm serious most of the time...which I suspect is in part truly the way I am and also due to a slight fear of doing or saying something "wrong". And I know that's a shame, and that's it's no big deal to make mistakes...it being how we learn and what not...but I don't like messes or hurt feelings and I may have an exaggerated sense of the ugly bits we all have deep inside and the need to shelter you all from my own version of them. I usually put a lot of thought into what I'm saying...and yet I am also known to be too open with the divulging of secret-type things...both my own and others. I love singing and it can often change my mood entirely. Though I almost never remember this fact when I'm in the misdst of a foul-temper and wishing to be free of it. Fun and joy come to me in very simple and childlike activities. I love textures and touching (especially the crisp seams of fabric). I love baths and good smells...candles, incense. Being immersed in water grounds me and gives me clearer access to my thoughts. As does occupying my hands in semi-mindless methodical tasks. I enjoy language and the skillful use of words...and can hold my own in witty banter...though prolonged mental sparring is draining to me and can stir anxiety. Contact with another human seems to help keep this anxiousness at bay. I love kissing and have found females in general to be better at this. Too bad I have serious doubts as to my ability to ever be in love with one. Stringed instruments, especially played solo, give me a fantastic ache of the heart. I love psychology, though I've really only read about the subject through astrology...I've got hours to burn for anyone wishing to honestly disclose their hopes and fears, I seem to be able to relate. I love to read aloud. I think ignorance without the slightest clue of itself dismays me more than anything...no wait...add to that a penchant for telling others how it is and believing yourself without a shadow of a doubt...that really inspires a sinking feeling. I love taking care of things when it's not at all expected. I love my rats, Tobin and Lir, they are my happy thoughts. I love my dog, Sofie, with an intensity and joy that I didn't expect. I hear that we are all very concerned with connecting to each other...thus myspace perhaps...well I can only vouch for myself and I know it to be something that motivates most of my actions. But all in all I don't seem to be very skilled at having more than a few close friends at a time. I care a lot more than I often feel it necessary to let on. I'm very happy to be here...yet have my suspicions that I am too enthusiatic about death. People often ask where my accent is from...I was born and raised right here...but spent a lot of time at young ages imagining I was someplace else. ..and on and on.... :oP
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