Sebastian

Get me a medical doctor! Not a menial one, either- im sayin a vestigial doctor with a big silver disc on a headband, ya dig!? Im sick of these permanent croakers, get me a massage doctor with feathers and an hourglass, make it two hourglasses, one backwards, and a backup, schnell. How’s it coming with the airbus/cruiseship combo? Get a painter out there to paint a Dumbo on it. In-it on-it. I don’t care if its trade marked- put a ratfink face on it- no make Dumbo a big scary Lion, but keep the hat and the earwings or whatever, and give him earwig earrings. And put an ambulance siren on the cockpit roof, and make the pilot and copilot/captain and first mate wear ambulance drivers outfits or orderlies’ whites, better yet hire only Parsi pilots, they have better long range vision and nice topknots- get them to turn the ambulance siren on and off constantly and keep a look out. I was thinking we could cut the airbus/cruiseship in half lengthwise and instead of having the wings on the outside we could have the wings in the middle so it could be like a flying 500 foot catamaran and the wings can be plexiglass so if people want to visit their friends or wives on the other side of the ab/cs they can just walk through the wings-they can be just inches from freezing 600 mph wind! And get another ambulance siren now that the cockpit is split- I said now that the cockpit is split! Wake up! And get them to turn the sirens on and off in exact undulating rythmic patterns. Get a choreographer on it- no- get Phillip Glass- he goes with the wings, get him to call it “ biwing catamaran cruise jet #5 or whatever” – let’s get him on a desert island in the sky in a turtleneck sipping a cocktail of cubist goose jells, make them the same colors as the dumbo lion with the earwigs, so like gold, grey, and pink, and like umber, oh yeah and we should split the dumbo lion in half lengthwise and put his earwings on the inside just like the ab/cs, and do like an arab style lo-res spot with Phillip on the air-island sipping and then the two Parsi Pilots/Captains on either side as if in a cloud flipping on their ambulance sirens to Phillip’s composition, both of them looking hopefully askance at PG to get his approval, which, after a few sipps he nods smiling at both of them and they both smile and keep flying/piloting and smiling while the firstmate and co-pilot nod their impressed approval.If the dumbo lion’s ears are in the middle now, how does he have earwig earrings? I know, I thought of that. What we do is this: we make the earwigs little comic relief bugs like the french fairies in “Willow” or like some insect from a pixar thing. In fact we can develop a feature property on these guys- here it is: the earwigs are brothers, they started off as the type of evil earwigs, or Wigs – yeah that’s it are you feelin’ me?- that would just sashay into your inner ear and chomp your eardrum, since that’s what their father and stupid older brother taught them to do, in fact what they probably still do. Sweetie, can you turn that hourglass over? Thanks, babe. But these wigs have hearts of gold and they want to do something- Anything- that will let the world know that they aren’t just rolling the evolutionary dice when it comes to their fate. Here comes the Aesop angle- the whole gang of earwigs comes up on this weird sleeping dumbo lion, but they don’t realize that he’s been split in half lengthwise. They have little wig-talkies so they can communicate. One side says- hey we just marched up to the ear of this stupid dumbolion, and the other side says- yeah us too- but they don’t realize that the lion is split in half lengthwise so they are actually really far apart. One side gets all up into the dumbolion’s cavernous ear cavity and of course the careless stupid older brother earwig stumbles on a folicle while distracted by a glistening piece of the dumbolion’s earwax. Alert- that half of the dumbolion opens it’s eye in that typical hyper-realistic CGI way, like he just got a magic wand stuck up his ass- oh yeah good point about that- maybe the ass gets split lengthwise, too?- hmm I think its better if we ust go with convention and skip the ass.Anyway the half of the dumbolion that gets woken up starts shaking its head and the whole earwig scene in that ear goes to shit. They radio the other team – may day may day- but the other team is like WTF? Their side is all calm. All of a sudden the dumbolion 1st half roars and wakes up the dumbolion 2nd half (who is the kooky half), and then we realize as both halves start to rise up, what we are dealing with. The earwig clan is mortified by this freak of nature- even though they are about as disgusting and forsaken as a species can be, they speak parsimoniously about this abhorrence of evolution- except for our two brothers- the wigs. They are fascinated and stick around as all the other earwigs beat it. They stand together rapt in the weeds as the dumbolion has the following conversation with itself:1st half – There’s something in my ear! (maybe Daniel Day Lewis voiceover ) Shakes head, trying to get it out 1st half- see if you can see it! 1st half turns his head around so that 2nd half can see his outside profile. 2nd half- have you gotten older? I see some grey hairs in there! (Mos Def), 1st half- Dammit Tweede, I swear there was something in there! Tweede lifts up his claw and lifts the flap of 1st half’s ear, looking in, intently. Tweede- Chicken Butt! Ist half jumps back but is of course restricted by his winged connection to Tweede. The two coil back towards each other and tustle. Tweede- Eerst the 1st! all roar and no snore! Eerst- I’ll teach you to snore, permanently! Tweede-(getting nipped at by Eerst) Now how can anybody snore permanently? Please, it just seems like a universal impracticality, literally and … Tweede gets wacked on the head by Eerst and pretends to conk out, snoring. Eerst- Haha- ok I get it, but I want to get out of here, there might be some earwigs around and I don’t want those cretins having fun in my ear, making babies, maybe having generations of fun right in my ear, right here in my ear!The two Wig brothers look at each other, horrifiedTweede- Allright, allright, we can’t have you developing any more personalities, we’re all full at the moment! Where do you want to go today? I mean tonight?Eerst- can we go to the ridge? I want to look down tonight.Tweede- Allright my brother, let’s go to the ridge.The two Wig brothers, Adolfo and Bob hug each other in awe as they see the dumbolion rise to its feet. In the back ground, under the full moonlight, there is a crest of mountains, a distance that is galaxies away for these two bugs.The dumbolion starts to flap its middle earwing in preperation, since the two halves of the dumbolion, like siamese twins, have to coordinate the motion, especially if they are to fly and not flail.Adolfo and Bob look at each other in panicked attention. Here is an opportunity, one that may not come again. Should they do it? Bob (let’s say Sean Penn from “At Close Range”), just goes for it- he scuttles and scoots across the digital detritus to find the half of Eerst’s tail that is within reach and grabs hold with all he’s got, while motioning the fright-stricken Adolfo with a few of his spare limbs.Adolfo is stricken in a classic movie moment of hesitation, but as he sees his brother clinging to the half tail of the soon to be departed dumbolion, his resolve is forged and he moves forward to grasp the tail- but of course the tail flicks up right at the second he was going to grab it- Bob- Grab the other one!Adolfo sees the other half-tail of the dumbolion still within reach and starts a mad dash to reach it, he is good he has it within his means, but oh no! right as he gets there Tweede raises his tail just out of reach as they count down their lift-off-Tweede and Eerst- Three!, Two!, One!, smorgasbord!The dumbolion flaps its amazing internal earwings and begins to take flight. Adolfo gathers his strength and makes one last huge leap towards the swinging bifurcated tail, but misses by a longshot. He sees his brother, Bob, riding on the tail of Eerst, looking back at him longingly, not knowing what to do. Knowing that it will defeat all his dreams of freedom, Bob releases his grasp on Eerst’s tail and starts freefalling back to earth. A multitude of other vermin that were hiding in the tail snicker and celebrate. (earwigs prey on such creatures)Bob free falls through the moonlit sky- we are going to need some parachute jumpers to motion capture this. Adolfo sees him do this and begins to rush toward the spot he thinks he will land- but wait a minute! Up in the sky Tweede realizes he forgot something and twists to change direction- of course this unplanned redirection makes them plummet from the sky heavily, with much cursing and recrimination. We hear a chimp-screeching thump as the dumbolion hits the ground.Meanwhile Bob is floating down to meet Alfonso when Alfonso’s eye cathces a gleam from something in the bush, and instead of catching Bob in his arms he turns to investigate the shiny presence. Bob lands with an enhanced bump, something audible to Wigs, not humans. Btw Eerst and Tweede means first and second in dutch, and alfonso and bob are traditional wig styles, just so nobody has to do any digging.Bob- Ouwwch! Alfonso- hey look at this- its incredible!In a tiny alcove, still warm from the heat of the dumbolion is an amulet of amber and ruby color, pulsating with colors and forms. They barely have a chance to look at it before they are shaowded by an ominous form descending on them.With a huge Digital rumble the MINISTER lands and surveys the scene.An ye faover the clough, there will be but ae wig left in the parish, and that's the minister'sEerst-Who said that?Tweede- Said what?Eerst-The thing about the Clough?Tweede- the Clough? He means the separartion, the cleft- that’s Robert Burns! Oh! It’s the amulet, that’s what I left behind!Eerst- We need to save the amulet!The dumbolion scrambles forth through the forest to return to where it had slumberedBob and Alfonso are both clutching the amulet, unsure of what to do. As the minister Robert Burns descends he repeats the incantation:An ye faover the clough, there will be but ae wig left in the parish, and that's the minister'sBob-Who said that?Alfonso- its, I don’t know who it is?We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine† ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.Bob- We have to save the amulet!Alfonso- Why?Bob- Because, Alf, its our only way out of here! Help me move this thing!Bob and Alfonso in a herculean effort move the amulet to the side and cover it with leaves. The MINISTER (Robert Burns) swoops down.M robert burns-My radiotropic incestigator must have missed a miscenegation again- holy smokes. I don’t suppose you two earwig brothers could possibly lend me a hand to recalibrate my osciohalluhackinbutrunscreamin machine, could’ya?Did I mention that all the pursers and flightattendants on the ab/cs should be dressed as cute earwigs/slash dandelions? Also I want to make sure that the Phillip Glass piece with the ambulance sirens is playing throughout the entire animation- especially in the more dramatic parts. I want this film to be finished in a way that I would want, and I want it screened exclusively on the dumbolion jumbo express connection betweeen Dubai and Mumbai- and don’t forget I want the ab/cs to slap down on on all the major rivers and lakes of the region, like the red sea and whatever, the ganges, the arabian sea, the indean ocean and stuff.After the Wigs beat Robert Burns and earn their place among the schizo dumbolions, I want their song to be “Auld ang Syne” but to a U2 version that will premiere at the launch on January 1 200