Caz

I wrote this awhile ago, but I think it defines me nicely:Is there a guiding principle that you life your life by? Something that centers you as a person and reminds you why you're here on earth?I've been feeling crappy the past few days. Unlike myself. Beating myself up for not doing certain things. Feeling like an asshole. Etc.But this morning I feel better. I've been thinking about *why* I feel better and I think I stumbled across my temporarily forgotten guiding principle. So here's my story.I was on the train this morning, heading to work. I started reading "Nickle and Dimed", which probably jumpstarted my not feeling sorry for myself anymore. It's hard to wallow in your own crap when you're reading about people who have it so much harder than you.Then I noticed a beautiful woman. She was standing next to me, reading the paper. I watched her sit in a vacant seat, admiring her long lovely legs underneath her red unironed skirt. She wasn't wearing makeup, her hair was haphazardly thrown back in a ponytail, but she was simply lovely.And as I looked around the train, I realized how many attractive people there were on the train. Almost everyone I could see some beauty in. I started wondering if I was on something, because could *everyone* in SF possibly be so beautiful?Which led me to wondering about what they were all like as people. Who they loved, what their passions were, how they'd been hurt, what they were striving towards?And the mix cd I was listening to only heightened my mood. By the time I got off the train, I was humming songs out loud, smiling and feeling astoundingly better.Which led me to remember what my guiding principle was: WONDER. My sense of wonder makes my life better, makes me feel like myself, makes me be happy to live in this world so filled with happiness and sorrow and fantastic possibility. Being curious about other people's lives, about how things get built, about other places in this world...that makes me feel alive like nothing else. There's so much to wonder and be curious about. And when I forget that, I lose part of myself.I'm SO glad I remembered it this morning.