HELLO
My name is Aotea.
I like to write, I like to read.
I like sitting on the sand and watching the ocean when I'm by myself.
I like climbing on the shed roof and getting cold, though I haven't done it for years.
I love arguing.
I like pulling faces at two year old boys. They copy.
I stutter when I get excited or I'm nervous. Usually only when my brother is there.
I'm good at fake laughing. I don't know why I do it, I can't help it sometimes. I feel bad if someone tells a joke and no one laughs.
Sometimes I'm too passionate about things. It annoys me.
There are so many people in the world and I get scared sometimes that I'll never get to meet the ones I'm supposed to, or need to.
I'm really involved with people, if I like someone I invest my all in making it work out...whatever 'it' is. It's horrible sometimes to have other people who mean so much.
I see through people. Not like that, but I see through their masks. You probably don't believe me but it's true. I see through the facades because they used to be mine. Now they belong to someone else.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I review all the stupid things I've ever said or done, all the things I regret...I'm trying to stop.
I've spent so many years waiting for Lucas. I keep seeing him in everyone I meet, thinking I see him when I don't, thinking that he's somewhere that he isn't.
But...I'm not going to wait anymore. If he's out there, it'll happen when it's supposed to.
"You don't change your life. But you try. You have to. Living is the art of pretending you're in control. Push at it, pull it to the ground. Kick it hard, just to make a dent, to prove you can. Wake each morning and sink you fingers into it's soft flesh, until you can taste the blood. That's living. But you don't really change it." - Bernard Beckitt, Deep Fried.
"All you people are vampires
All your stories are stale
Though you pretend to stand by us
Though you're certain we'll fail"
-Arctic Monkeys
