Restless Rachel (OOC-Read Blog) profile picture

Restless Rachel (OOC-Read Blog)

I saw us in a photograph, I saw me and I had to laugh because I'm not who I was.

About Me

Hey I'm Rachel Granger. My father is Angel and my mother is Hermione Granger.I went to Hogwarts when I was 11 just like my mum did.I stayed there for 7 years and learned magic. Oh and for the record I'm half vampire. Since Daddy is a vamp and mum got turned when she was pregnant with me and my twin bro Gideon. I wasn't really kind when I was a girl. You can tell because I was sorted into Slytherin. Just because I'm half vamp and mean doesn't mean anytihng.. okay maybe it does.. but that all changed. I was heart broken a couple of times before I met Spike. That's when my life took a complete turn. I heard the stories of him about my dad.He always said that he was mean and soulless but when I met him. He had a soul and he had an adopted son. Doesn't sound mean to me. For some strange reason I started to like him. I didn't want to because I didn't want my heart to get broken again (bloody heart getting broken by damn men) so I tried to ignore it. Spike and Jordy helped me be kind and loving.Something that I never thought would happen. Eventually I got married to Spike and we had two kids.That's three in total. Jordy, Violet and William.Then one day my other half took over completely. Stupid ass bitch named Rayne. As you probably know my father has a soulless side named Angelus. Since I'm his daughter I have one too. Except I have to be REALLY pissed off or sad for it to come out. That did happen. And I lost it all at that time. I lost my husband and kids.I don't know if I'll ever get them back, especially Spike.I still love him even though I know that I shouldn't. I hurt him badly. I know that Rayne doesn't care. But then why did she let me back?Well I'm still trying to figure that out even though no one knows it.I've been researching that by night and only get an hour of sleep.Only reason I get an hour is because the kids and I are sick.At least Spike and Violet aren't.There's a way to cure them I'm sure.I'll find a way.From the top to the bottom
Bottom to top I stop
At the core I?ve forgotten
In the middle of my thoughts
Taken far from my safety
The picture is there
The memory won?t escape me
But why should I care
[Chorus x2]
There?s a place so dark you can?t see the end
Skies cock back and shock that which can?t defend
The rain then sends dripping / an acidic question
Forcefully, the power of suggestion
Then with the eyes shut / looking thought the rust and rot
And dust / a small spot of light floods the floor
And pours over the rusted world of pretend
The eyes ease open and its dark again
[Chorus x1]
In the memory you?ll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up
Moving all around / screaming of the ups and downs
Pollution manifested in perpetual sound
The wheels go round and the sunset creeps behind
Street lamps, chain-link and concrete
A little piece of paper with a picture drawn floats
On down the street till the wind is gone
The memory now is like the picture was then
When the paper?s crumpled up it can?t be perfect again
[Chorus x2]
In the memory you?ll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up
Now you got me caught in the act
You bring the thought back
I?m telling you that
I see it right through you
[x7]
In the memory you?ll find me
Eyes burning up
The darkness holding me tightly
Until the sun rises up
[x2]
Pimp My ProfileI edited my profile with Thomas' Myspace Editor V4.4

My Interests

Lying From You

When I pretend everything is what I want it to be
I look exactly like what you always wanted to see
When I pretend, I can?t forget about the criminal I am
Stealing second after second just cause I know I can but
I can?t pretend this is the way it?ll stay I?m just
(trying to bend the truth)
I can?t pretend I?m who you want me to be, so I?m

[Chorus]
(Lying my way from you)
No no turning back now
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)
No no turning back now
(Let me take back my life,I?d rather be all alone)
No turning back now
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)
No no turning back now
(The very worst part of you is me)

I remember what they taught to me
Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be
Remember listening to all of that and this again
So I pretended up a person who was fittin? in
And now you think this person really is me and I?m
(Trying to bend the truth)
But the more I push the more I'm pulling away 'cuz I'm

[Chorus]
(Lying my way from you)
No no turning back now
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)
No no turning back now
(Let me take back my life I?d rather be all alone)
No turning back now
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)
No no turning back now
(The very worst part of you)
(The very worst part of you is ME)

This isn?t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me
Like This
This isn?t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me
Like This
This isn?t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me
Like This
This isn?t what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would
have you running from me
Like This

[Chorus]
(You)
No turning back now
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)
No no turning back now
(Let me take back my life I?d rather be all alone)
No turning back now
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)
No no turning back now
(The very worst part of you)
(The very worst part of you is me)
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I'd like to meet:

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams?
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]

[x2]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can?t rely on myself

[Chorus:]
I can?t hold on
To what I want when I?m stretched so thin
It?s all too much to take in
I can?t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

If I
Turn my back I?m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on then they?ll
Take from me ?till everything is gone
If I let them go I?ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I?ll be outrun
If I?m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I?ll be buried in the silence of the answer
by myself [myself]

[x2]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can?t rely on myself

[Chorus]

How do you think I?ve lost so much
I'm so afraid that I'm out of touch
How do you expect... I will know what to do
When all I know Is what you tell me to

[x2]
Don?t you know
I can?t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can?t seem to convince myself why
I?m stuck on the outside

[Chorus x2]
Pimp My Profile(It starts with)
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on / but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
One thing / I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end
You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart
What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter Pimp My ProfileI wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real I wanna let go of the pain I’ve held so long Erase all the pain till it’s gone I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along Somwhere I belong

Music:

Pretty Girl"

pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything.
pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.

it's the way that he makes you feel.
it's the way that he kisses you.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love.

she's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
the killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.
and that's what you get for falling again;
you can never get him out of your head.

it's the way that he makes you feel.
it's the way that he kisses you.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love. [2x]

pretty girl... pretty girl...

pretty girl is suffering while he confesses everything.
pretty soon she'll figure out: you can never get him out of your head.

it's the way that he makes you cry.
it's the way that he's in your mind.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love.
it's the way that he makes you feel.
it's the way that he kisses you.
it's the way that he makes you fall in love...
Pimp My Profile Graffiti decorations
Under a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

i'm gonna run away and never say goodbye
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
i'm gonna run away and never wonder why
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
i'm gonna run away and open up my mind
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind
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My Blog

OOC

I won't be on here for awhile. I have to go visit one of my friends.She's sick in the hospital so don't expect me to be here.
Posted by Restless Rachel (OOC-Read Blog) on Sun, 03 Jun 2007 07:04:00 PST