We've all heard tales about that magical, mystical place we can ascend to in our sleepy dreams, our trance-like long downhill coasts, our alcohol-induced hazes. That place is bicycle heaven. It is there that Bicycle Jesus is Lord.In bicycle heaven everywhere you need to go is downhill and just around the corner. The asphalt doesn't scratch you, there are no flat tires. Your bike does not shake or rattle, it simply rolls. Your brake pads never wear out nor need adjustment. Top tube-genital contact is never more than pleasantly tender. All the bicycle seats smell like roses. Chains and cables are unbreakable. Your frame will break only if that's what you really want, but they've all got free replacements, so...