A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone profile picture

A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone

Bar Golf Tour Coordinator Extrordinaire

About Me

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My Interests

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days - mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: "Lucky Assholes"

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a Douche. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're simply pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much we care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we're good.

New Rule: Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis .

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant.

.New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear "27 months." "He's two" will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

New Rule: If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, "Do you want fries with that?

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I'd like to meet:

It's awfully hard to name off people that I'd want to meet. I can, however, name off like thirty that I wish I hadn't met. However, if I could meet five people in history it would have to be Winston Churchill, George Patton, and Huey Lewis

Movies:

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Books:

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Heroes:

Winston Churchill George Patton Theodore Roosevelt Thomas Friedman

My Blog

Bar Golfer Profile: Matthew "Buttcheeks" Borkowski

Name:          Matthew "Buttcheeks" BorkowskiBorn:            1982Occupation:   Golf Mill Security Officer&nbs...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Thu, 24 May 2007 11:17:00 PST

Bar Golfer Profile: Jason "Wu-Tan Clan" Tan

Name:           Jason "Wu-Tan Clan" TanBorn:             1983Nickname:     Beef Muffin   Jason "W...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Thu, 24 May 2007 10:49:00 PST

Bar Golfer Profile: Kevin "Ride the Baloney Pony" Walsh

Name:           Kevin "Ride the Baloney Pony" WalshBorn:             1964Nickname:     The Purple-Headed...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Thu, 24 May 2007 10:18:00 PST

Golfer Profile: Kerri "Paddlin The Pink Canoe" Todd

Name:           Kerri "Paddlin the Pink Canoe" ToddBorn:             1982Nickname:     Old Lea...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Wed, 23 May 2007 08:41:00 PST

Bar Golfer Profile: Tim "Not A Big Fan of the Nickname Wolfman" Steed

Name:          Tim "Not A Big Fan of the Nickname Wolfman" SteedBorn:             1982Nickname:    ...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Wed, 23 May 2007 07:45:00 PST

Bar Golfer Profile: Kim "Man Hands" Boike

Name:           Kim "Man Hands" BoikeBorn:             1982Nickname:     Sasquatch Kim Boike wi...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Wed, 23 May 2007 05:58:00 PST

Golfer Profile: Marty "Burn the Mule" Walsh

Name:           Marty " Burn the Mule" WalshBorn:             1984Nickname:     Previously Par...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Wed, 23 May 2007 05:32:00 PST

Bar Golfer Profile: Kim "Not Quite the Whole Show" Taylor

Name:           Kim "Not Quite the Whole Show" TaylorBorn:             1983Nickname:     Kathy ...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Wed, 23 May 2007 06:32:00 PST

Golfer Profile: Griff "Lover of Linebackers" Fleming

Name:           Griff "Lover of Linebackers" FlemingBorn:             1982Nickname:     The Lin...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Thu, 27 Apr 2006 03:44:00 PST

Golfer Profile: Kevin "The Shine" Kloak

Name:           Kevin "The Shine" KloakBorn:             1984Nickname:     Johnny DramaKevin Kl...
Posted by A Poor Man's Joey Gladstone on Wed, 26 Apr 2006 09:39:00 PST