About Me
I'm Brutus Beefcake and I used to wrestle before I accidentally smashed my face in in 1990. The WWF was going to give me the WWF title before my injury, but oh well, Hogan didnt want to do the job anyway. He never wants to do the job. Bret Hart told me that he is one of the worst people lodge with because he would always need to tan 24/7. It is actually true that he dreams about tanning. In fact, he was once so tan that someone came up to him and asked him why he was painted bright orange. From that day on, I ignored Hogan, except if he wanted a threesome with his wife, which wasn't very pleasureable to begin with.I mean Hogan is a bad actor, a bad wrestler, he's pretty bad when it comes to giving a blowjob. It's cool if he can't act or wrestle, but when the boys give you a reputation for giving the best head, you had better give the best head. And he didn't. Plus Linda taught him to suck dick, and we all know that she's just not into that. One time, I came in his mouth, and he gobbled it all up and asked for seconds, and Linda's just sitting there looking at him in amazement. Hogan said "Oh, yeah, I forgot" and started doing Linda again. Man. At Starrcade 1994, I wrestled Hogan and it was the worst match I have ever been in. See, I turned on Hogan before this. Everyone acted like it was the biggest surprise ever, but it wasn't, because all the boys in the back knew I hated Hogan. The threesomes still continued, but what's a bi guy to do when his wife fucks him in the ass and won't give him a reach around? So, anyway, Then I joined the dungeon of doom and I also had a (thankfully) short stint as the Booty Man. I hated the Booty Man. So did Eric. Ted loved it. That kinky fuck! One time, I was in back with Ted, and he wanted to give be a blowjob. I obligied, and it was excellent. He gobbles like a pro. Then I gobbled his goo in exchange for some t.v. time which ended up being in a a non-speaking role. In 1998, I teamed with Hogan and together we became the worlds most boring interveiwers. The only reason why Hogan is on T.V. now, is because the WWE feels bad that Hogan lost his hair early. I didnt get the spot because I fucked up their schedual for 1990. They had to give the title to the Texas Tornado because there was no one left, and they felt bad. Three years later, he killed himself. Because of this, everyone in the WWF locker room wanted to commit suicide, but Vince threatened to fine them all, so they stopped their threats. Oh yeah and I also eat meat (don't tell Sergio)
