i beat the sun in a staring contest, i use red hot lava to moisturize my skin, i invented the apple, i built mount Everest with a bucket and a spade, i can have my cake AND eat it too, i was born in a log cabin that i built with my bare hands, i never breath i just hold air hostage, my autobiography is just a list of everybody that i have killed, bigfoot takes pictures of me, i can strike a match on a bar of soap, i am allowed to talk about fight club, i sneeze electricity, my smile once brought a puppy back to life, when i cross the street cars have to look both ways, i can dribble a football, i was a stunt double for Optimus Prime, and when the boogie man goes to sleep at night he checks under his bed for me first.. true story
