Red, White and Booze

Whitmore Lake, Michigan @Barnstormer 9:00P June 12, 2009
The year was 1984, the Tigers won the world series, classic albums like Van Halen's 1984 were in casette walkmans everywhere, and movies like Gremlins, Police Academy, Footloose, and Beverly Hills Cop were in American theaters. Russia was still communist, Ronald Reagan was our President, morale and patriotism were high, America was united.
In a small basement apartment in Ann Arbor, Michigan, a young college student obtained the unattainable through unknown means: a container of semen belonging to the one and only Chuck Norris. After a night of liquid intoxication the student decided to call it a night and went to his room to sleep, leaving the container on his living room table and accidently leaving his "awesome mix" tape playing on his mono stereo.
Now what happened next was witnessed by no human and is purely speculation of what scientists call "The Second Immaculate Conception". The songs on the "awesome mix" tape such as Dio's "Holy Diver", Scorpions "Rock You Like A Hurricane" and Bruce Springsteens "Born In The USA" created a mini Big Bang and what was left in the place of the container was the five headed sexual tyranosaurus known as Red, White, and Booze.
Now waking up to a unexpected rocking, the college student knew what he had to do. Under the commission of President Reagan and the Defense Department they built a time machine and sent Red, White, and Booze to where they are most needed in a most desperate time. The five are sent to present day America to instill patriotism by face melting guitar solos and having sex with as many women as possible.
So whether at the county fair, the local VFW hall, or the neighborhood bowling alley, enjoy that special sound of freedom; and women feel free to take advantage of the sexual prowess. Do it for the children of future generations, do it for yourselves, do it for America. That is their mission, that is their cause.
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