Deep Fried Twinkie

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Jay Bird
Birthday: July 4
Birthplace: In a dark alley in a dumpster behind a monastery
Current Location: Closer to a grammar school than allowed by law
Eye Color: Bloody Red
Hair Color: Brownish
Height: 6'5"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Both Handed
Your Heritage: My great grandfather was assraped by a rabid emu, so that makes me Greek by default
The Shoes You Wore Today: Smelly ones
Your Weakness: Quadriplegics hermaphrodites
Your Fears: That I will be overheard making the yummy noise when standing next to an elderly gentleman in the restroom
Your Perfect Pizza: Ray's Famous .. plain
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I'd like to stop heckling participants at the Special Olympics
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: LOLz
Thoughts First Waking Up: Here we go again..
Your Best Physical Feature: Its a toss up between my taint or my vas deferens
Your Bedtime: Usually 20-25 minutes after my "Goats, Girls and Geese" video
Your Most Missed Memory: The irresponsibilities of childhood
Pepsi or Coke:' Pepsi
MacDonalds or Burger King: Whatever is clsoer
Single or Group Dates: Single Dates, but group scat parties
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Long Island Iced Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: White Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee: Coffee
Do you Smoke: Only when babysitting
Do you Swear: Fuck no
Do you Sing: I used to, but I got tired of people throwing things at me
Do you Shower Daily: I normally throw cat nip on the areas that need tending to and let fluffy lick away
Do you belive in yourself: I did, up until my only son was crucified
Do you think you are Attractive: Compared to burn victims, yes.
Are you a Health Freak: Nah, just a plain freak.
Do you get along with your Parents: I did, until I killed them for insurance money.
Do you like Thunderstorms: Love em, just dont like gettin caught in em on my bike
Do you play an Instrument: Mess around with a guitar
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: No, but I have purchased it for minors.
In the past month have you Smoked: Nope. Feb 19 2007 last smoke.
In the past month have you been on : Been on what?
In the past month have you gone on a Date: Do call girls count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: Yep! The Merry go Round in the plaza keeps me comin back!
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: Not in one sitting
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: No, but i like to keep some in my boxers
In the past month have you been on Stage: In Ecuador with a donkey
In the past month have you been Dumped: Yes, on my chest
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: Yes, in the kiddie pool
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: The heart of my mail order bride.
Ever been Drunk: Too many times to count
Ever been called a Tease: Yes, a cancer patient once called me that after I dangled morphine in his face
Ever been Beaten up: Yes. By a group of concerned parents.
Ever Shoplifted: Yes. I once stole a string of sausages without using my hands
How do you want to Die: I'd like to stop breathing.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: A Russian bread maker
What country would you most like to Visit: Montana
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Hair Color: BRUNETTES!!!!!!
Short or Long Hair: Long
Height: Really makes no difference
Weight: Healthy

Number of I have taken: What in the hell does this question mean?
Number of CDs I own: Illegal downloads + iPods = CD's? What are they?
Number of Piercings: 0
Number of Tattoos: 0
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Sun Sign: Cancer
Sun 11° Cancer 54' Cancer Horoscope
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Moon Sign: Taurus
Moon 13° Taurus 36' Taurus Horoscope
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Rising Sign: Leo
Ascendant 13° Leo 25' Leo Horoscope
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