people see me as this phenomenal person with hella soul. i sometimes wonder if i am or if ive just been able to fool the world. knowing how shallow i am and simple-minded, i hold onto a heart-shaped balloon just to keep from drowning in the deep blues. that was a little extreme. lets just say ive been focused on creating a balance for myself. not pretending to know what i don't and owning up to the things i can and cant do. i have so many dreams and for the first time since my grams passed, i feel like i'm taking an active step to live my life rather than just wandering nomadic. im a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a great aunt (or grandma), a friend, a writer, a poet, a pooper, a dancer, etc. i wonder how great i am at each of these and all else that i am. i hope that all the people i love and care about realize the good things and accept the bad, knowing i work on continual self-growth and self-wisdom.
when i feel like i want to sneeze, i only have to tickle my own eyelids, even when i don't need to. it makes me feel like i've gotten rid of things i don't want to keep in my system, the opposite of reasons why people "bless you" to help keep your spirit intact.
i hate to sleep feeling trapped so i shed my clothing and lock my door. no one else can see my nakedness, unless i trust them enough to bare it all. my sisters hate to be captive of those moments, but are used to my little quirks by now. ha.
i always get pointed out for the way i eat. things have to be a certain way. the food has to be in a certain position before i begin my pick at it. the glass has to be turned a certain way in my direction. it feels my love as i set it down with ease that the table top doesn't hear it coming before it's already settled in. i like depth, though i crave simplicity at times. i sit and think about why i do certain things and mold myself to fit its surroundings, yet i keep it different by adding my flavor.
i am everywhere at once sometimes, though the person in front of me feels like they are the world to me. they don't catch the stolen glances i take to make sure everything else is kept in order.
i like messy, but i don't like dirty. there is a difference. messy makes me feel like i live there rather than settling everything in and keeping it neat. it works because i can pick up and leave when i want to, but i know it's not always a good thing. i'm going to try to work on it for the benefit of others, but i thank them for being patient with me. as well as accepting me for my flaws.
life gets a little hard sometimes and i might not always be doing the best, but i try my best most days. some days i get frustrated, but at the end of the day i try to reflect the day's events and understand why things are the way they fall. no point in crying over spilled milk. soak it up with a sponge and continue drinking.
i'm too passionate for some and misunderstood by most. i am misread like they've never opened a book. or maybe they just skipped to the next chapter. the days after, i find that i write in my books while i dated them to remember. tender thoughts are dreamed, it seemed like just yesterday that they was i. me. back in milwaukee my thoughts drift to. instead i ask for a lift to the walmart where everyone hangs out. ha. just kidding. at least tulsa has a downtown with buildings. all the homeless people are camped next to the river. tented with no laws for them to abide to. that's me. the new me in oklahoma. a new home to attend to.
"Ships at a distance have every man's wish on board. For some they come in with the tide. For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by time. That is the life of men. Now, women forget all those things they don't want to remember and remember everything they don't want to forget. The dream is the truth. Then they act and do things accordingly." - Zora Neale Hurston ~ Their Eyes Were Watching God
