Mike

I'm not as self-absorbed as the pictures might imply.
I'm ¼ retarded, ¼ insane, and the rest of me is up for grabs.

Tina Fey: Hi, Diana. How's it going?
Diana Ross: Not good, Tina! I'm in jail! and, let me tell you something - in jail, they do not call me "Miss Ross." They call me "Inmate number 54899-B." Owww!!
Diana Ross: Jail is not a spa, Tina. I realized that, once I got here and looked around for the sauna and the bowl of fresh, green apples. All I found was a tiny room with a stinky little terlet with no lid, and a very grumpy bunkmate named Roberta.
Tina Fey: Well, since we've got you here on live TV, is there anything you want to say to your fans?
Diana Ross: Yessssss! Ta-na-na-nAA!!!
I grew up in several small bedrooms all over the place; playing with G.I. Joe's, setting up my collection of animals and learning how to play instruments by listening to other people play them.
After wasting life in southern California, Minneapolis and a brief blip in New York, I woke up one morning and decided I was going to move to Chicago, knowing I had no good reason to go but deciding I'd find a good reason when I got there. Four days later, I moved, and 18 months later brings us to today.
I'm still looking for that good reason...
I’ve lived a big life so far, and I’m hoping the world only gets bigger from here. I’m confident in who I am and what I want, yet I always try to stay flexible to change.
Everything there is to know about me depends on how I'm affected by each situation I face and each person I meet. Although I try to maintain a healthy level of consistency, the experiences I continue to live carry me through different parts of my character.
I have no sense of direction, I hate being the "big spoon", I always try to chew with my mouth closed in formal situations, and I'm generally a very honest person, minus when I used to lie about my age to get into bars.
I take life seriously when necessary, and I do my best to smile through the rest and make people laugh.
Any more curiosities that need satisfying just require asking the right questions.
An amazing thinker, a fierce friend, and an arguably good human being.
Drop by and say hey sometime.
Who I'd Like To Eat:
Make sure you read the heading above, as these are not the people I want to meet, rather the people who disgust me and need to be eaten.
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, the entire cast of Laguna Beach, that guy pretending to be our president, Wesley the church guy who preaches around town, Tori Spelling, Kimberly the Pink Ranger, Bill O'Riley, almost everyone who rides my bus in the morning, those two kids from Return to Witch Mountain, and whoever stole my leather jacket when I was a freshman in high school.