Sarah

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G,and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure outwhat the letters stood for, it is about time youbecame informed!A: Almost Boobs...B: Barely there.C: Can't Complain!D: Dang!DD: Double dang!E: Enormous!F: Fake.G: Get a Reduction.H: Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

I was up all night wondering where the sun went........then it dawned on me

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!" And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

A man was sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly. "All right, buddy. What's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked. "The balcony."

One night a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it. The next day, the Grandfather died. About a month or two later the father heard his son saying his prayers again "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy." The next day the grandmother died. Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation. Two weeks later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers. "God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy." This alone nearly gave the father a heart attack. He didn't say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic. He stayed all through lunch and dinner. Finally after midnight he went home. He was still alive! When he got home he appologized to his wife. "I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today." "You think you've had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU'VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled, "The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered..."YES! YES! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. She then picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought YOU were watching!" Moral: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men!!!

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in a divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy." Mickey replied, "No I didn't, I said she was f*cking Goofy."

Two little brothers, aged six and eight, decide it's time to learn how to swear. So, the eight-year-old says to the six-year-old, "Okay, you say 'ass' and I'll say 'hell'." All excited about their plan, they trooped downstairs, where their mother asks them what they'd like for breakfast. "Aw, hell," says the eight-year-old, "gimme some Cheerios." His mother backhands him off the stool, sending him bawling out of the room, and turns to the younger brother. "What'll you have?" "I dunno," quavers the six-year-old, "but you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Cheerios."

A young Redhead goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible", says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "No," she says, "I'm actually a Blonde." "I thought so, the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."

How do you get Holy Water? You boil the Hell out of it

How are a Texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same? Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

Two eggs are in a frying pan and one says "Man it's hot in here". The other one says "Holy shit, a talking egg!"

Q: What animal should you never play cards with? A: A cheetah

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he

Hey, did you hear about the cannibal who arrived late to the dinner party? They gave him the cold shoulder.

"I hope I'm not poisonous," said the first snake. "Why?" asked the second. "Because I just bit my lip."

What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A: A stick

Q. What's in the toilet of the star ship enterprise? A. The captains log

Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? A. He decided to stick it out for one more year!

Q. What goes: "CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it? CLICK -is that it?" A. A blind person with a rubix cube

Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail? A. I feel like a kid again!

Q: What's green and looks like a bucket? A: A green bucket

Q:What's brown and sticky? A: A stick.

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."

A man went into a dentist's office and said "I think I'm a moth." So the dentist said, "If you think you're a moth, why did you come here?" And the man said, "Well, the light was on."

A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery, to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon. "Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four year old considered her gravely for a minute, then spoke to her saying, "Uh-oh...I know what you've been doing."

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall? Dam.

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice? Polaroids.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand? Quatro sinko.

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

Why don't blind people like to skydive? Because it scares the dog.

Why do a pilgrim's pants always fall down? Because they wear their buckles on their hats.

How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, unique up on it.

Two birds are sitting on a telegraph wire and one says to the other, "Don't long words tickle your bum?"