I was conceived in a stem-cell research lab when the leading biogenetics professor of the time, Dr. Augustus van Bemmelroode III PHD, brought together a fusion of what was later to become the world's first amalgam of human chromosomes and dust from a small meteorite rock which had inadvertently jammed itself in the solar panel of a communications satellite broadcasting porn channels to the outer reaches of space, in the hope that Alien Life Forms would pick up the essence of our existence. Unbeknownst to NASA scientists who sent up a special multibillion dollar shuttle expedition to fix the transmission, the seemingly insignificant rock had once been a gigantic projectile the size of Jupiter's third moon which had been catapulted by a very prude race of species living on a small but well kept planet near the east-western sectors of Alpha Centauri, who had been so offended by the vulgar images of incredibly ugly and arrogant looking life forms faking lewd acts of reproduction that they decided to annihilate the source planet in reply. Unfortunately, the contract for the Projectile of Immense Mass Purification (PIMP) went to the lowest bidder, the Schnaebelee Grog Grumnum corporation, who outsourced the production to little green dung beetles who compiled it out of trillions of readily available fertilizer balls hardened with Antracean smockspittle and so, when crunch time came, the PIMP had already lost most of its balls on its long trajectory and eventually only managed to knock out a stabilisation node on the satellite, sending it into a slow swirling orbit around the moon.
I have refreshing hobbies such as breathing, eating, sleeping and procreating.
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