Matthew Heywood

The door creaks as the janitor leaves the room, flicking off the light. Unbeknownst to him, he has done more than just mop the laboratory floor with vinegar water. In some freak of happenstance that is much too complicated to detail here, he has unleashed upon the world a terror the likes of which have never been seen. A hiss of steam comes from a containment canister, an instant before it explodes in a shower of glass and protein solution. And so is born Matthew, Devourer of Worlds! (In his defense, though, he was really hungry, and the papers sensationalized it. It was actually just a small moon, which someone told him was made of cheese. -Sympathetic Stan) Before all the unpleasantness which was much to unpleasant to recount (if you don't remember it, be thankful. It was very unpleasant. -Scarred-for-life Stan) Matthew was just an ordinary video store manager with a penchant for reading comics and writing songs for no one. When he wasn't doing that, he would make intricate mazes and race squirrels in his backyard, contented with peanut butter and banana sandwiches and purple stuff for lunch four days a week. Until, that is, the day that HE walked into Matthew's life. But that's a tale for another day.