About Me
Since the dawn of time, a prophecy had been foretold which took place in the fiery depths of the Nash valley. This prophecy had been passed down for many generations by the most heinous, repulsive creatures know to mankind.... the ones they call Victors.One day the Victors realized that the stone tablet in which the prophecy had been embedded in had disappeared during the night. Being such simple minded creatures, with little insight to rational thinking or any sort of respect for their fellow kind, the victors took at each other recklessly with blunt rocks and crude instruments, in a rage for the loss of their sacred tablet.The victors failed their simple task of protecting the prophecy, thus in turn failing to abide by the orders of the evil Lord Cummins. Lord Cummins sent down a heard of disgusting and ugly Haydens to take any remaining lives that had not been taken from the war between the Victors.Lord Cummins spent all night creating millions of Haydens identical to the original (in which the ugliness and disgust this thing radiated was multiplied by at least 1000) to search the world, for the missing tablet. You see Haydens are not only one of the ugliest beings, but are also the dumbest beings alive, and are believed to have brains the size of their kidney stones and would probably lose to a rock in a game of wits. They know only two things, to show no mercy whilst killing and how to have frantic gorilla sex with females and sometimes even males.Word spread across the land that a furious and ruthless army was out to destroy anything out to oppose them. King Goulding responded by arming every man and boy capable of holding a sword. There was one boy that was believed to be too young but he insisted. His name was Schliker. The men trained for only 3 days, some which had never drawn a sword, but it was too late. Like a dark cloud over the hill, came the Haydens. The men, never before seeing something so hideous screamed in horror. After the screaming had ceased, they were ordered to run towards them quickly, as to protect the women but the closer they got the more they realized they were grossly outnumbered. The quick witted Schliker remembered a story entailing that the Haydens only weakness was their undying love towards a mythical beast… the one they call Courtney. While running, Schliker turned to his friend Menzies, who was trained in the art of wizardry, and asked him to summon the Trojan whore. The timing couldn’t have been better because she was summoned to the field, and the Haydens stopped dead in their tracks to marvel at a quite generic looking being really. But as this was happening the creature started reading the last few lines of the prophecy which would condemn the world to internal damnation. The quick and nimble scout they call the Farnell pounced forward and kicked the hideous she-bitch in the face, simultaneously destroying the tablet, and the Trojan whore. Unfortunately for the evil Lord Cummins it just so happened that his soul was entombed within the tablet and he was also destroyed. With their beast dead and the prophecy destroyed, the Haydens broke down from the sight of her dead body and cried a river that broke 50 million years worth of drought. This dehydrated their bodies so much that they withered away into the river and were never seen again. A remarkable thing happened after this, DJ Adam Bartas set up his decks and Menzies and Jay triple dropped and did 3 lines of coke each. This ritual is now a regular occurrence that involves a large corroboree of young men celebrating this momentous occasion. It can be performed from 1-7 times a week and its name is known as a disco.
highlight of my life was wen goodrich kiked off in cage soccer with an airing boomer which went straight to me 8 metres from the oposing goal out on the grass on a 30o angle, it was to the right of me so there was no choice but to axle foley it (for u california games fans) it ran a constant 80cm off the ground starigth to a one victor mudge standing 2 metres right out, right infront of goals, victor mudge, mirrored my perfection and axle foleyed that bad boy straight past some schmuck keeper, the ball didnt touch the ground once thru this combo. that ladies and gentlemen is what i call cage soccer!
2nd highlight was delluding cashion into pairing up with me and throwing small fruits at ppl at georgias party, only to use the light wieghted man as a human shield as the fruits returned with brute force.
HAYDEN FELSENTHAL: hey remember me?
HOT CHICK: o yeah, hammish
HAYDEN FELSENTHAL: ah no, its actually Hayden
HOT CHICK: watever hagnus
HAYDEN FELSENTHAL: hey remember me?
HOT CHICK 2: yeah of coase
(Hayden gets excited)
HOT CHICK 2: who could forget a dick that small
(girls friends turn to point and laugh)
(hayden pees his pants in sheer embarasement)
jay schliker: ummmmmmm, is she still staring at us?
jay schliker: the way I see it... what girl wouldn't want to kiss me?
