Allow me to be frank, You will not like me. The gentlemen will be envious and the ladies will be repelled. You will not like me now and you will like me a good deal less as we go on.
That is it. That is my prologue.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Mike "The Carrier" Vidaurre
Birthday: every day LOLOLOLLOL
Birthplace: dropped unceremoniously onto a bath mat during a coughing fit
Current Location: closer to a grammar school than allowed by law
Eye Color: bloody-stool brown
Hair Color: black, speckled with thick, cakey dandruff
Height: tall enough to get on the rides at Lagoon
Right Handed or Left Handed: tug with my right, bag tickle with my left
Your Heritage: my great-grandmother was teabagged by a French men, which by default makes me a silly goose
The Shoes You Wore Today: patten leather with a buckle, like Shirley Temple used to wear
Your Weakness: an invalid laying sideways with her mouth open
Your Fears: that I will be overheard making the Yummy noise glancing at an older gentleman in a rest area men's room
Your Perfect Pizza: oven crusted with lightly seared placenta, covered with flamingo vomit
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: I'd like to stop needlessly kicking retarded people
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: "Your ass looks amazing in those diapers"
Thoughts First Waking Up: "Who is this strapping Negro?"
Your Best Physical Feature: my taint
Your Bedtime: 10 minutes after my tranny movies end
Your Most Missed Memory: being face down in a pillow with whiskey being breathed into my face from the side by my uncle
&..39;Pepsi or Coke:' hot dog water
MacDonalds or Burger King: MEAT IS MURDER!
Single or Group Dates: I prefer single dates and group scat parties
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: whatever kind Jim Jones drank
Chocolate or Vanilla: ice cream is for queers
Cappuccino or Coffee: ice lattes, because they help get the logs moving
Do you Smoke: only when babysitting
Do you Swear: yes, I frequently tell people to "buzz off" and "go jump in a lake"
Do you Sing: I tend to hum Lionel Ritchie songs while I'm being raped
Do you Shower Daily: I prefer to have dogs lick the sweat off my balls and neck
Do you want to go to College:&..39;
Do you want to get Married: yes, to Lori Hacking
Do you belive in yourself: I didnt until my only Son was crucified by Pontius Pilot
Do you get Motion Sickness:
Do you think you are Attractive: yes, when compared with burn victims
Are you a Health Freak: I take my AZT cocktails every day
Do you get along with your Parents: I did until I killed them for insurance money
Do you like Thunderstorms: yes, because they cause youngsters to huddle under my covers
Do you play an Instrument: I play spoons and the rape whistle
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: no, but I've purchased it for minors
In the past month have you Smoked: a salmon and some almonds
In the past month have you been on : cialis
In the past month have you gone on a Date: do prostitutes count?
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes, to buy my grandmother an athletic supporter
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: why would I eat a box full of black people who act white?
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: no, but I store it in my girlfriends underpants
In the past month have you been on Stage: yes. In Mexico, with a donkey
In the past month have you been Dumped: yes, on my chest
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: twice in a kiddie pool
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: 2 babies and a prosthetic testicle
Ever been Drunk: one night while driving Candy Lightner home
Ever been called a Tease: a cancer patient once called me that while I dangled morphine over his face
Ever been Beaten up: on a playground by a group of concerned parents
Ever Shoplifted: I smuggled a gerbil out of the store without using my hands
How do you want to Die: I want to be sawed in half while felching Jennifer Garner
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Dominican drug lord
What country would you most like to Visit: Wyoming
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:
Favourite Hair Color: golf course green
Short or Long Hair: chemo whispy
Height: under 4 feet
Weight: 75 pounds and willing to vomit
Best Clothing Style:&..39;
Number of I have taken: what in Sam Hill does this question mean?
Number of CDs I own: 3, all Huey Lewis
Number of Piercings: both nipples,but accidentally
Number of Tattoos: either a tear drop on the face or cartoon characters on her crotch
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 5,679
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!
