The only aphrodisiac I need is your voice
Hearing you speak my name
Beckoning me to answer
Telling me you want me
So I tell you that you're the answer to every question
I've ever had about love
Without words I use my tongue to tell the tale of us
Tracing your shadowscape
Kneeling before you my eyes feast upon your masculinity and
All its divinity and I praise you
Because all of that is for me
I begin to indulge myself of your delicacies
Digesting semi-sweet dark chocolate decadence as it melts
Dripping down my chin
Your taste is something Godiva couldn't re-create
Needing every atom of your anatomy
Necessity is placed upon me knowing you are the source of
my serendipity
Dipping in and out of me stroking more than my consciesness
Subconsciously I find myself rewinding our love scenes
In my daydreams
Seeing that face you make when you're making me cum
And it makes me want you right there and then
Thinking of you in inappropriate places I get
Tingling sensations in private locations where I wish to
be caught between a rock and your hard place
As wetness develops my legs begin to open and my spot
turns to a backdraft and all I want you to do is
extinguish it
You know my body like the back of your hands
And touch me and send me into ecstacy
My thighs quiver in anticipation of deep penetration which
gets me high
Body rising
Sweating
Panting
Make-up melting
Pulling my hair and
Scratching my back
I get a temporary case of tourettes because all I can say
are four letter words in a four octave-range screaming
your name
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
I see your tongue pink between your lips and I want it
between mine
And I struggle
As you lick torturing me
I try to get away but
Not really
Running out of room begging for more up against the wall
that has been scuffed by my stilletos
Again
You pry apart my thighs and tell me to be still
And I willingly submit to you because I love the way you
dominate me
Demanding that I cum for you so I do as I'm told
You've molded me so I'm good to no-one else but you
You've conquered this once orgasmicless world and
multiplied it
Again and
Again
My face radiates with after-glow
My pillow scented by you
A fragrance which haunts me
My room smells of the best sex
Im
Covered in body prints and finger prints and you above me
Your name written indelibly upon my body in your genetic history
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
You fucking me makes me bilingual
GL ♥ MOR♥US WIT A LIL' BITT'A H♥ ♥ D!!AND HERE COMES MA LIL' J ♥ NELLS!!!
AHHHHHHH!! THIS GIRL IS AS CRAZZIII AS ME!!! DROPPIN' BITCHES, (AND EVEN STRIPPERS!) LEFT AND RIGHT YO!! I LUB HER LIKE OUR MOTZARELLA CHEESE STICKS AND .99 CENT TACOS!! YUMM! & MEXIMELTS.....IM GETTING HUNGRY!!! HAHA....EATIN' THAT SEE'S CANDIES FO FREE!! TROPICANA DANCIN' AT PAISA CLUB CENTRAL!! HAHA. I LOVE TO LAUGH.....I LOVE OUR LITTLE 3 MUSKATEERS KREW!! "NEW FRIENDS ARE COOL!" NO- "TRUE" FRIENDS ARE COOL!! MWUAAHZ*!
A BUNCH'A SILLIES!!
WE KNOW! WE ARE TOO FAT TO FIT THE CAMERA BUT WE DONT GIVE A FUK!!
♥
Lights are dim, the aroma....
Of the incense fills the room.....
Roll the curtains, welcome....
inside...
Sandy outsides, lusty dune....
Slip my veil off, as our eyes...
lock...
Presence of electric....
thoughts...
Bashful motives, so you....
notice....
How the slippery lips will....
cross...
...Don't stop now... Don't stop
now... Don't stop now... Don't
stop now
Heavy breathing, oh this...
teasing
Slowly pleasing, gentle....
strokes...
Moistened entry, stay...
above me....
Clear and loudly, state the...
pose...
Make it tantric, I won't panic...
I'll submit to each command...
I'm your maiden, I'm....
consumed in....
All of you and your.......
demands.......
Me...
Lifeis what you make of it. Im really an outgoing & happy person & love all there is to love in life....but I can honestly & completley say ive been through it all. Hardships, friendships, what i "thought" was true, & what wasnt, disappointment, frustrations beyond belief, & more lies that can fill up this world at least a couple of times. You will go through what you think is the worst pain in your life at some point or another. You will be disappointed, let down, rejected, & you will learn from it...some people dont. Im surprised i did.
LIVE
to live is to do exactly that. I started living my life about a year ago...i came from an ongoing battle not only with my family & friends, but with myself. To be against yourself is not healthy, so i had to fix it. In order to do that, i learned that i have to completley love & trust myself. That meant not being afraid to be helped because of my stubborness, (i had mistaken for strength i had kept up for so many years) was wearing me down and furthermore, just ruining the life i had left. Even though it's been a rough road, (& im sure everybody has theirs) im thankful i had some people along the way to open my eyes & show me what i was missing....im also thankful god was watching me, because at some really low points in my life, it really felt like the end.
FAMILYwas about 20% of my life. the other 80% was the bullshit from my family. Some of them were there, some weren't, some betrayed me, I can safley say i am not angry with any of them...neither hurt nor angry anymore. Im stronger now than ive ever been & im planning to keep it that way. It took a very long time, and a few key elements & events in my life to turn it back around. I've been through wars with all that have loved me, my mom & dad were at one point, my enemies. Pure hatred is the only emotion i had felt for the both of them. I couldn't believe how the two people that brought me into this world could ever hurt me so much...punish me for feeling what i felt & how i acted upon those feelings, just to get an answer....ive been in jail, a 51/50 hold,arrested a couple of times all for the same reasons.. all because of what they felt was "wrong" with me, but in reality, it was what had 'happened' to me that changed my whole attitude... how could they ever deny me of what i needed the most?...love. Not the kind of love you think you're giving by buying things, or saying "i love you", but the kind you know you feel, when u give a hug, or in between the words you say, and how you say it
ACTION
is a big part of what i strongly believe in. Dont "say", "DO". It means nothing to me when you say "sorry" & then go & do the same thing over & over. My life has been a big contrast between ups & downs, promises within promises, & struggles within struggles..I've gone through so many "i think so's", & "maybe this time's", "if i just do this more, or better, ill be heard", "im finally....", & my favorite: "im sick & tired, of being sick & tired". Ive gone through what i've thought were "life changing events" only to find out nothing had changed....ExCEpT ME.
FRIENDS I have very few "friends" in my life. A friend to me is someone that you can trust with your life, knows you inside out, & is there for you NO questions asked....im very careful of who i put my trust into these days. Ive gotten into fights because of irrelevant & stupid reasons, (of course it was just jealousy, hatred, etc.) although i hated the idea of confrontation, it found its way to me, so i delt with it...so i 'have' acquaintances, MANY of those....the people you party with, say "hi" too...& i also have the people "in between", that i dont know quite too well, but im willing to see....it doesnt matter to me because i quit going to public highschool 2 years before i graduated, so none of that "popularity" crap mattered to me, even though i was fairly popular, i just liked people...i still do...but going through what i did with females, has made me hesitant for fear of wasting my time.....
PAIN is something inevitable....it hurts like hell, but its the amount of pain you go through...& why.....if what you were fighting for was painful, but was worth it, then it means something, if its just a bunch of wasted time n stress, it wasnt worth it.
WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
WHEN YOUR WORLD FALLS APART?
WHEN ALL OF THE LOVE, IS GONE FROM YOUR
LOVE
LOVE♥ is tricky, but inviting....its exciting when you dont know if its there, as well as when you do...for the first time, its only a teaser for even more amazing things to come....& whether love ends dramatically, or hurtfully, or simply, eventually all the emotional fog surrounding it clears & we can see that love is so special because its one of the few experiences in life when we follow our heart~NOT reason, not "rules", not what other people say, Maybe that's why we hold on to our love/past love in some way~ Why we miss it, or long for it, want to reclaim or redo it, because love opens our eyes to that feeling everyone's been talking about, singing about, writing about....it makes you feel like you've crossed over from not knowing....to knowing...with love, everything is new, & the possibilities it awakens in you are exhilerating....ive found love in some ways to be a blessing, & in some, a burden, but i have no regrets, because i feel everything is an experience, & its only preparing me for the "ONE" that i really deserve!
*****
...I remember how i used to be, & im slowly going to be that way again...it hurts sometimes...well...it hurts a lot. But like everything else, hurt is just a cycle, & with time, eventually heals. U dont forget the pain, U never forget the anger, that first appears as hate, but uncovers & is just simply your pain. All those years i could've stopped crying, stopped fighting, & realized that no one was fighting me back except myself. True the fights with her, (my cuzin Julia) i thought she cared like i did...no...she did not. Why care so much though? Why am i like that? The answers to these questions i dont want to know, i just want it to be rhetorical. I want my life back, & i dont need her....or him....to do that.
"He" was something special in my life..Yes. Im sure he was with a lot of someone's. Im sure he meant a lot to many...But what hurt me the most, was that i thought things were truelly going to happen..that's just it...i "thought". I thought many things...& i still think to this day...what might have been. But i already know what might have been....i already know that outcome. & i dont want it. I thought it was me at 1rst...i thought if i had just tried a little harder...he would see...that i loved him & would do anything for him, & he would do the same. But as time went on i saw we were both very different people...i was already where i wanted to be & he..was not. He still had internal delimmas with himself....and frankly no one, wants that emotional baggage in their relationship, especially when they've gone through it, & are passed it...& in the end, it always turns out the same. Its funny how things the little things forshadow what may come in the future....Its funny how in her own psychotic way, Miss Alyssa was right. I would see. The reality that would come forth. & i did. So i can understand her (Alyssa the ex)...somewhat. That's why she moved on...even though she missed him in ways, like i do now, she knew she couldnt ever be with him again. Even though the feelings & love would never change, all the "good" times, it still wasnt worth getting your heart broken all over again or going through the arguements & fights. I believe that it takes two, no matter what one person might be like (like herself) there is always two sides to a story as well & as a relationship....Im sure i hurt him in ways by trying to set things right & follow my heart, not just my love; but i never meant to, it was always for his own good.....& mine. Bcuz we were a "we", as one, not just me or him. So it affected me too. That's why i couldnt stay. It was too painful everyday to constantly go over & over in my head how i wished things werent. I wished no alyssa, I wished i never cried for the reasons i did except out of hapiness, I wished he could see what he made me see in the beginning with my dad, I wished he couldve been here to see it happen like i wanted it to:
.....ive realized that i spent so much time wasting my energy and it just burnt me out. Ive realized the hard way that you cant change people that dont want to change, or expect someone to be loyal to you and honest, if they've never learned to be that way, nor do they want to, and to really trust your instinct, not just your corazon....
...Finally make amends with him like i had hoped & hoped all these years & it finally came true! I wished he couldve seen my tears of joy(now we dont talk)....Out of all these wishes i thank him...for the positives....for the way we grew together in many ways, for the hurt too....now i know what i truelly want. Bcuz what comes after all the hurt, pain, anger, comes forgiveness & moving on. I cant be angry anymore. Im tired of hurting. I know on his behalf, he sees it different, that i hurt him, & that's okay, all i know is that i've found who i am, & to me, that's the greatest gift to have. To know what you want out of life & who you want & dont. To know where you're going, to have plans. Some ppl dont, some people will always be followers & never know who they are & im glad that im not one of them.
*****
RECOVERY.
RECOVERY letting go is the hardest thing possible whether you have a grudge, or you need to let someone go.....it took me years to let go of the hate i had for my father, truth be told, we dont speak a word to eachother...nothing at all like communication can come out of a conversation between us, but at least i can say I tried...i tried to give myself what was missing through him, but you can't do that when the person you want it from wont give it to you...ive always wanted to mold him to be how i wish he'd be in my head....my mother, i tried to do the same, she let a lot of things slide by....& still i can remember when there was a time i didnt want to be here because of her, but now, like i said before...forgive....or at least act like you have, inside you can feel all those feelings, but dont act on them, talking to someone like i did really helped, even the times i had to do it with my mom in the room bringing up the past that tortured me...it all marked a starting point...each & every angle of it all untill now. The biggest realization ive made throughout my life is that things, do take their course to work out, they take time, a lot or long, hard, time, & it sucks, & they dont always work out at once; so one problem may be solved, but something else might still linger....& it might linger for the rest of your life because it takes both people to change.....& sometimes that person wont change...EVER. But the choice you make within yourself is what you have the power of...how long it may take doesnt matter, it's what you do,what you dont do, & how much you plan to let it affect you....that's what counts, that's what's going to help you....because paying attention to every little wrong or right detail will drive you nuts, because there's probably so many, you feel lost. I wish i could have had someone guide me through everything & would have told me all of this, as strong as i am, im glad i learned it on my own & to still be here & appreciating life as much as i do....it was all worth it.
*****i think at this point in my life ive came to the conclusion that it is, in fact, MY life.....
something to call my own.
& everytime it seems like im going to break or i have broken down or completley lost it*........i pick myself right back up. I think ive gone through so much that i cant just not keep living & moving on cuz it wudnt be right. Even though the past was shitty.....still is shitty in ways.......at least its my own shit....right??
And it seems as though all my shit falls over my head at times.......
it manages to disperse itself slowly.......of course only after ive tortured myself bcuz of my own stubborness.......
I take this moment in to laugh at it.......bcuz this, & the other 'shit' in my past, is just 1 small piece of my life....
And though my pain & my tears at the time seems like too much, i remember many times i thought the same thing then, and that im here now......so i can take that, and much, much more.
*****
March 20, 2006
***hey gramps.....
well its getting closer to berna's birthday and marcos just passed. I sit back and sometimes think of how much i appreciate him and how good he takes care of berna...He's such a brother to me and i hope that one day when i do eventually get married, that the guy will treat me the way that he treats her September 22, 2005
You know, sometimes, i forget that you're gone and i'll almost ask when am i going to visit you? Mom and I were in galt today, going to see gloria and the new baby (!) and we were going down the same route we always used to when we picked you up....i know its time we let things be as they are and move on because you're where you should be...but is that really it? Because to me, it may sound selfish, you belong here, with us, and i know that your time has come, but why did it have to come so fast?? it's been years, but it seems like only yesterday u were there trying to give me money, or ask me "quedes comer?" i know that im supposed to say i dont have the words to describe how i feel, but i do...i feel like my heart has been torn in two and something's missing. i feel like my heart left me...sometimes i dont know whether to cry or scream, or just sit there because so many emotions run through me and i cant figure them all out. am i supposed to? you come to me in my dreams and tell me things i cant explain...what do they mean? everytime i hear a mariachi song my heart burns up and i want to cry so bad. but i know i cant and i know im supposed to be strong if not for myself, for the rest of the family. i only hope i can make sense of these things or that you can help me because i need you gramps! i miss you so much it makes my hear hurt and i want to close my eyes and see you when i open them....but i know you're gone and i know God's taking care of all of you. You are forever in my thougts and prayers gramps...I love you very much and i know you are very proud of all of us and our goals and improvements we've made as a family you've taught us well PabLo
~CoRneLia
IZ That ur FaCe? or did YouR necK Throw up SumThiN??Get Your Own Voice Player Manage
YoU WaNNa PicK mY WeDGie?!?
KISS ME.
1,2,3 KISS- THAT'S WHEN I KNEW THAT WE
♥
4,5,6 KISS-HAD THE RIGHT CHEMISTRY
♥
YOU DONT HAVE 2 HOLD BACK, OR BE SHY, I CAN TELL YOU WANT ME IN YOUR EYES....
♥
1,2,3- KISS THAT'S WHEN I KNEW THAT WE
♥
4,5,6 KISS HAD THE RIGHT CHEMISTRY...
♥
FEELS SO GOOD CUZ I KNOW THAT YOUR MINE
♥
BOY I GOT MY EYES CLOSED CUZ I KNOW THAT I
♥
LOVE IT WHEN YOU KISS ME
LOVE IT WHEN OUR LIPS MEET
YOU INTOXICATE ME
I BARLEY CAN BREATHE I LOVE WHEN YOU KISS ME.
♥
Tap oN mY wiNdoW kNock on My doOR....I, WanNa maKe u fEeL BeauTifuL...
I dont know Y u Go....Cuz I...MisS YouR ToucH @ NighT...
"WHAT U WOULD HAVE DONE....BUT DIDNT...DOESNT MEAN A THANG...."
"IF YOU WANT....SUMTHIN TO PLAY WITH, GO & FIND YOURSELF A TOY....."A BuncH of KisSieS!!♥
I LuV LipGLoSs!!♥Yes, ImMa HuLa HoNeY!!!click here
to change your
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~*YOU'RE MY FAVORITE MISTAKE.....*~
mspobj
