Johnny Candon profile picture

Johnny Candon

BULLETS CAN'T STOP IT!

About Me

I'm a writer and comedian living in London and generally acting the man about town. My hobbies include reading really lovely poetry that makes you cry and think about how bad war is, being a kindly benefactor to impoverished families and doing lots of brilliant charity work that I don't want to go on about because I don't want people thinking I'm just showing off. But I do LOTS.

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

Anyone really. Is that boring? It's nice meeting people. Even if they're a twat then at least you can walk away feeling morally superior and think "At least I'm not a big old twat like that guy!" Then worry that thinking that does in fact make you even more of a twat than them and that they are probably thinking the same thing as they walked away which in turn makes them bigger in the twat stakes till it all gets totally out of hand. So on reflection, I don't want to meet anyone. It's just too risky.

My Blog

Oh. My. Word...

The Fall Guy is on in five minutes! For anyone reading this who wasn't of a tv watching age in and around 1982-83 or so The Fall Guy was one of the greatest tv shows EVER made. The MOTHERFUCKING Fall ...
Posted by on Wed, 13 Jun 2007 09:54:00 GMT

Martin Luthor King ain't got NOTHING on this!

Ooooohhhh... People who write or talk about their dreams are the most tedious company. Sitting happily in a pub or whatever, waiting for a friend. They turn up all smiles, you're thrilled to see them ...
Posted by on Thu, 05 Oct 2006 06:49:00 GMT

Dirty Dog

It's a wonderful part of life that your mood can change in an instant. Well, wonderful when that change is for the better. Not so great when you're pootling along in an impenetrably good mood only to ...
Posted by on Tue, 08 Aug 2006 08:34:00 GMT

YOU KNOWS IT!!!

YEAH!! Fortnight Club party!! You knows it!! I like saying "you knows it" because it makes me feel like one of those hard American rapper men like Snoop Dogg or Justin Timberlake. Anyway, YOU KNOWS IT...
Posted by on Mon, 17 Jul 2006 04:16:00 GMT

Life's no...

Well. That wasn't much of a picnic. Call me stupid but I always imagine picnics to be OUTSIDE and in a park or something but NO. No, this picnic was in a café called "Sandwich Asylum" in Notting Hill ...
Posted by on Tue, 06 Jun 2006 07:38:00 GMT

PICNIC!

I'm writing this on a keyboard that will NOT type certain letters so if it reads weird then that is why. I keep going back to check that everything is spelt properly but I'm getting bored of that and ...
Posted by on Mon, 05 Jun 2006 03:40:00 GMT

Great?!.

The Fortnight Club. Its a lovely, lovely thing. Every two weeks, on Monday night, a gaggle (or HA! Should that be Giggle? Ha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh, ME!) of comedians and Sarah Kendall gath...
Posted by on Wed, 31 May 2006 08:11:00 GMT

My bestest friend

I'm going to try and get to be better friends with Tom. I see his little smiling face looking back at me every time a log in to this and I think, "He looks so happy" imagine if you were to go out for ...
Posted by on Wed, 17 May 2006 10:38:00 GMT

HOT!

Four O' clock ladies and gentlemen! Four O' clock today is when Me, Robin Ince and Asher Tea meet up at Marylebone train station to begin a weekend of Book Club around the country. Imagine the ceiling...
Posted by on Fri, 05 May 2006 07:02:00 GMT

EEP!

OKAY.... probably best not to just go approving EVERY single thing that pops into the friends request thing. It looks like I'm now friends with "Forbidden London". "HELLO FORBIDDEN LONDON!! What are y...
Posted by on Thu, 04 May 2006 03:27:00 GMT