Drink Report

A lot of people might ask: "Why in the world would anyone want to read about soft drinks on the internet?" Of course, the answer is: It's the internet. People will read about ANYTHING on the internet. By writing about commonplace consumer goods ON THE INTERNET, my views and opinions suddenly mean something. Also, I have a lot of time on my hands. But seriously, let's talk beverages for a moment. First off, let's look at specific beverages markets, say, the wine market. If you ever read the "society" page (I know I do, every day), you know that the wine market has boomed in the past few years (in America, at least. I know we're actually well behind other countries). People have decided that if they start drinking something "fruity, with a hint of cedar after-taste", they will be cultured. They will join the ranks of high society, at which point they will be invited to to parties where everyone spits into giant buckets. And of course, plenty of publications (online, and in print) have jumped on the bandwagon, offering advice on what's best when you're in the mood for "a vintage with equal parts apple, grape, and aged leather". Likewise, beer drinkers have endless options to find just what they're looking for. Even if it's a guy brewing out of his basement, with equipment passed down to him from his uncle Hans, who produces 10 litres of beverage a year, 7 of which are consumed by him and his dog, someone will write a review of it to let people know it exists. And let's not forget those crazy foreigners (some countries have entire MONTHS dedicated to beer). But despite all of this BREWhaha (see what I did there, folks?), there seems to be a huge market that goes mostly ignored.And of course by "mostly ignored" I mean "one of the largest beverage industries in the world". Maybe it's because it's so prevelant, or the product isn't nearly as expensive as most alcoholic drinks. But for whatever reason, soft drinks just don't get the kind of special attention that they could. Well, "soft drinks" is kind of a restrictive term. How about "delicious, non-alcoholic beverages"? Or possibly vomit-inducing. Because I won't just cover sodas that make your taste buds tango, I'll also mention ones that make them beg for sweet, sweet oblivion.Reviewing such a widely consumed product might seem redundant. Brand recognition surveys consistantly place the name Coca-Cola in the top 2 or 3 spots. Why spend so much time on something so pedestrian and widely familiar? But the fact is, there are few drinks from brands like Coke and Pepsi that I'm interested in highlighting. Of course everyone knows what Mellow Yellow and Mr. Pibb taste like. But then there's the stuff on the bottom shelf at the gas station. The unfamiliar bottles and cans in the ethnic food section of your local grocery store. And the ones you've never heard of in stores devoted entirely to foreign and ethnic foods, stores that you may never have stepped foot in. Canned tea, coffee, juice, wombat semen from Peru. Even discount store-brand sodas that turn out to be more flavorful and original the their brand name counterparts. Whatever your tastes are, there's a good chance that there's something out there that you haven't tried yet that you won't be able to put down once you do. So I, in order to contribute something to this fantastic, futuristic world of beverage variety that we live in, will sample every last conveniently packaged drink that I can, and talk about them here. It's the least that I can do for you, the children of the 21st century. Plus, I'm hoping that somehow this might result in me getting some free soda eventually.