OK SO IM IN THE BEGINNING STAGES OF BEING A SURVIVOR BUT IM ALLREADY POSITIVE THAT I AM...IM SITTING HERE LOOKING AT THE TUBES COMING FROM MY CHEST AND IT ALL SEEMS SO SURREAL..IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME??? YES!! AND IT MUST BE FOR A REASON...I MUST HAVE A BIGGER PURPOSE IN LIFE...I AM EXCITED TO FIND OUT WHAT IT IS...BUT FOR NOW UNTIL THE REALIZATION HITS THANK YOU GOD FOR GETTING ME THROUGH THIS FIRST BATTLE...MOST LIKELY ILL START A LOW DOSE OF CHEMO AFTER THE NEW YEAR...NO PROBLEM..MR CANCER IM SURE YOUR GONE..WELL JUST MAKE DAMN SURE YOU DONT COME A VISITING AGAIN...AFTER ALL IM BIGGER THAN YOU...LOL....These shoes that have been put upon my feet to walk this road are ugly but when I reach my destination there is a brand new pair of shoes waiting for me.******** today is October 3 2009 and im now in the process of breast reconstruction. And i thought this journey was easy!! LOL i have had an expander put in my back and stretched to a double d to make the breast tissue for the skin graft to my front. The Surgery took place 15 days ago and so far so good. I now hve an expander in my chest and the process will be slow. The doctors say that since my small bits of left over skin has radiation damage that we will go super slow on the expansion.below i a video I made prior to my surgery and now the boob on my back is on my front..even my cute little mole...this is the strangest ride I have ever bee on and its going on two years!december 21 2009 will be two years and I sit and cry and the changes in my life, not because im sad , and not because I wonder why me? I sit and cry because I am overjoyed that with the aggressive cancer I have been diagnosed with I am killing it!! I told the littel bugger when he arrived that I was going to fight him and I have so far been successful. allthough you cant really claim survivor for 5 years of being clean of it, im sure that I am...God has watched over me and given me the strength to battle this. My friends have been such an inspiration. some wonder how I keep the positive attitude, and i can say that its documenting the story that has kept me strong...once I started sharing my experiences, how could I stop there? So I want to thank everyone personally for all the prayers, I want to thank Hay Sue Floyd my old boss for taking me to the 2 healing churches that plaid a factr in this bugger not going int my lymph system, after all the cancer was present for 1 year and it didnt spread out of the breast. the expander in my chest is like having a car grill under my skin. It is painful and it hurts when i sneeze or cough, but this too shall pass. I have seen feear in my friends and i have inspired others to keep up on there physicals and check there health. I look back and remembeer the man who left me once they cut off my breast and realize the shallowness in the world. Even though we were not exclusive, he showed me the meaning of a real man..A real man accepts you for who you are and loves you in sickness and in health. I will not mention his name because some things are better left private, but you know who you are...you are the man that told me I was still sexy even with one breast..you are the man that brings tears to my eyes because I know you have your own fight going on with this humbling disease. you are the man that held me and made me feel like a woman of desire even though I was mamed. I love you...I will always love you. I cry to think that maybe god will take you from me when you have meant so much to me since 2005.. life is a learning experience and oh how I have learned..patience, humility and what it is like to be missing a limb. even though it wasnt a limb I was missing, I still got the strange looks and felt the pain of those in society that are defected. I learned the insecurities of others. And conquered my own. My dream and prayer now is that my little boy will be ok and secure in his life after watching alll of this at such an early age..he was such an inspiration to me. He kept mee busy and kept my mind off of alot of this with my drive to make his life a success...I love you Christian!! You have changed my life in a million ways. Being a single mom isnt an easy job..but i must say being a parent is the best job in the world!! *************Tommi 09 ****** this is the love of my life ..my little boy..he gives me the drive it takes everyday to fight this fight ok so im sitting here mad that i cant do sit ups....shit shit shit....damn stitches...shit...so hey heres a bad ass pic my past exboyfriend whos been looking for me for 14 years bought me.....hmmmmmmmmmm love it im calling it riding the cancer wave.."CHEMOSURFER"...that Im sure is not the name but its the name im giving it SCORPIO - The Intense One (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive. Hardworking. Great kisser. Can become obsessive or secretive. Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long Relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times. Passionate and Emotional. *************