RON DAWG

John Taska is vigorous lover with eclectic taste. At dusk, he is often seen ascending over the sears tower. He has been known to play roulette like a serpent with Gandhi. While concentration during brunch, hustling northern Canadians grub, He translates ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. Occasionally he treads water for three days in a row. He can pilot a Charizard and uses St. Helen to cook thirty-minute flapjacks in twenty minutes. He is an expert in photography, veteran in love, and outlaw in Mexico. When he's bored, he builds large fire work displays for refugees in South Manitowoc. He repairs Volkswagen beetles free of charge. Critics worldwide swoon over his ironing skills. He receives fan mail. Last summer he toured Nevada at mock three speeds. He likes pizza and chrome, and children trust him a lot. He can hurl snowballs at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. He knows the exact location of every nuclear submarine in the Atlantic since performing several covert operations for the CIA. He only sleeps once a week, when he does sleep, he sleeps in chairs, with guns.