Redwood profile picture

Redwood

I'm searching deep inside to find a part of me that cares..... Nope not there. Wait, that might be s

About Me


..
"Hi I'm dave and I like walks to my couch and candle lit pizza. I also like to exercise.... my thumb. (For the x-box retard. Sorry that wasn't very P.C. was it. Stop talking back! Now you've got me off topic. Anyway.)
Well first off my motto:
I'm a sarcastic asshole. It's kinda been a goal and aspiration of mine for quite some time. I'm proud as I've had no formal training. It just sort of comes naturally. So I thought to myself "how could I use this remarkable ability to threaten, belittle and abuse people who's views were different than mine?".

Although a perfect fit, I had already discounted the Catholic religion. They had taken it to a whole new level.
Fuck You
There's the Asshole of the Year award which was already given to George W. Bush.
(I wonder if he rigged that vote too! Damn you Chad! Not again!)
Fuck You
I could have been a police officer too. At least until I found out the ad said you had to BE a big dick. My mistake.
Fuck You

Eventually, I figured out the next best thing.... Management.
I know what your thinking. With my quick whit, dashingly good looks and amazing ability to whip up a bigger load of shit than a stall boy at the Kentucky Derby. You're thinking I should have been a lawyer or a politician or something. The truth of the matter is I do have a very, very, minuscule amount of morals and SOME self respect, and you KNOW that just kills that idea. On a bright note there is still time to lose them both.
Go to MixMap.com to get your own MySpace Tracker

My Interests



I have a lot of hobies

In no particular order. Good, well thought out music. Intellectual conversation (harder to find every day.) Food. Technology. Music. Beer. Doja. The occasional (more so than not) good insult. And Remember

I also enjoy speeding, a good debate (It's only good if I win.), midget bowling (My new favorite sport.) and I sing. Alot of Karaoke. But (now not so) Recently I joined a band. The name is Anareta .

You know singers get all the chicks.

I'd like to meet:



Wow... the list is so long. First off the guy that invented LSD, and I'd thank that man for helping me open my eyes. I just wish I could shut them occasionally.

Then there was the guy who invented those damn breast inserts.

I'd show him my pimp hand. You just never know what your getting nowadays.

You may think I'm a pig.

So what?

If you bought a huge mansion and got a hell of a deal.

It's beautiful from the outside but when you got inside it turned out to be a 2 bedroom apartment.

Don't get me wrong she's hot but you'd be a little upset right? Even though It's still a beautiful place to live. I thought so. If I offended you there is a 75% chance that you either own a pair, would if you could or own stock in the company. Don't be offended though. You're beautiful without them. I'm just saying, false advertising is a misdemeanor in 44 states. It's punishable by fines and/or imprisonment. I'm just looking out. That's my top and bottom one at least. Oh yeah... on a serious note Shannon Hoon RIP.

Music:

Pearl Jam, Blind Melon, Unified Theory, Dave Matthews Band, Tonic, Edwin McCain, Matchbox Twenty, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, Chevelle, Hoobastank, Incubus, Our Lady Peace, Counting Crows, Coldplay, Saliva, Staind, Tantric, Live, Sublime, Majority of Seattle Bands from that era, Anything I can relate to. Also my first and biggest musical influence was Sean Charles Grubs may he rest in peace 07/18/78 - 5/12/07

Movies:

Who's got time for movies?

Television:

Yeah I got one of those.

Books:


How to lose friends and alienate people.

33 Irrefutable Laws of Dictatorship.

I can't forget my personal favorite children's books titled "You're Different and That's Bad"
"Mr. Knife and Mrs. Light Socket get to know each other"
"Everybody dies! Even... your Mommy and Daddy."
"Why Mommy Stopped Stripping."
"Coppy Cats Book of Animal Noises"
and a great find for the entire family "Clifford Gets Fixed" box set. It comes with an activity book, Clifford doll, veterinarian tools and Velcro testicles. Although those are my favorites. I have compiled a list of other good children's books:

"You Were an Accident"

"The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables"

"Dad's New Wife Robert"

"Fun Four-letter Words to Know and Share"

"Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"All Cats Go to Hell"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption"

"Grandpa Gets a Casket"

"The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator"

"The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games"

"Your Nightmares Are Real"

"Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School"

"Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Oh, the Places You'll Scratch and Sniff"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"Some Kittens Can Fly!"

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say 'God Did It'"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Bi-Curious George"

"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"

"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

I also am a huge advocate of education. I have included a very special movie below. It is the ABC song. Join in if you would like.

Heroes:



This Guy.

My Blog

Asylum

Asylum Your skin is growing pale and thinFrom the scars that are pushing throughYou look closely but you can not find Your humanity insideIt’s lost with all your prideTo... hide... the... truth....
Posted by Redwood on Wed, 19 Mar 2008 08:19:00 PST

Before the Bomb

Before the BombOne man's killing for a cause, anotherAnother slowly waits to die, ohh it seems thatIf we ever hope to change a thing, we look insideWe must come to realizeThat the world has gone we ca...
Posted by Redwood on Sat, 23 Feb 2008 03:36:00 PST

Aversion

AversionLook around, what do you seeIt didn't occur to you that this might not be how life's supposed to beBut your blindAnd you choose to beYou follow a path that none should leadYou never miss a cha...
Posted by Redwood on Thu, 01 Nov 2007 05:18:00 PST

"Internalize (Let It Out)"

The look on your face before you lost it.The screaming was heard from all acrossed theroom it was still.  We never knewthe screaming we heard it came from you.Before I could move you grabbed a kn...
Posted by Redwood on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 07:11:00 PST

"The Sand" Lyrics

Our lives are written in the sandWe wrote it with our handsWe've reaped the seeds we'd sewnThen why haven't we grown  But our lives are so shortOur mistakes have brought us hereDo we know ...
Posted by Redwood on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 07:02:00 PST

"Something More" Lyrics

"Something More" (The truth)Lyrics in parenthesis are not played live.Left alone.  Left me nothing else. I wasthinking 'bout all the things I learned about.Everything you said.  Why did I go...
Posted by Redwood on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:57:00 PST

"Fade" Lyrics

You've found another place to hide.You didn't even give me a warning.You disappeared.Never had the chance to say goodbye.You disappeared.You left me scarred and broken.You can deny it yourself.But you...
Posted by Redwood on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:47:00 PST

Learn To Crawl

Watch where you fall you'll learn to crawl your better there.More that you fight more of the pain you feel. Yourleft to decide if you should relieve the pain orstand up and fight just to get knocked t...
Posted by Redwood on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:41:00 PST

"Poison" Lyrics

"Poison"I slowly fall into it.Death becomes me again.Laughing louder at it.I can't live without it.When It's flowing through my veins.All the screaming starts to end.I drift out of consciousness.And...
Posted by Redwood on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:26:00 PST

"Off The Edge" Lyrics

"Off The Edge"Faint is the feeling.Your voice rang like a bell at mass.Telling me what I'll never be.I prayed that this might be my last.If I told you what I need what would you leave me?If I chose ...
Posted by Redwood on Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:23:00 PST