Tom a.k.a The man with no name

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook 70second Russler burgers in 10 seconds. I am an expert in connect 4, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.I tiddly-wink at national levels.Using only a milky way and a large slab of cheese, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by Barcelona F.C, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build scale models of interesting buildings using only paper clips. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair robo-pets and tamagochis free of charge.I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail.I have seen life on Jupiter. Last summer I toured Milton Keynes with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I beat Lewis Hamilton on Gran Turismo 4. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I say most things ten times fast.I can hurl paper airplanes at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read War and Peace, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for MI6. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a george forman grill and a toaster. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.And i'm modist to boot.