Salteen

Sea-faring ukulele player and staunch defender of the virtues of American Beer, CrackerJack Salteen once had a very promising career as a hot dog vendor at Coney Island, but he gave it all up to sail the Seven Seas in search of the perfect stale beer. He picked up the ukulele one fateful night in New Caledonia because it was a much better weapon than a carton of milk. However, he soon discovered it made a better crooning instrument than a weapon and became intoxicated by its chaming tones. After a brief stay in an de-intoxication clinic he returned home to sing of the places he had seen, the people he had met, and the things he had stolen. Salteen is available to entertain at weddings, bar mitzvahs and birthdays. Please consult with his parole officer first.