I'm a son of a bitch. I once inhaled a seagull. Did you know that I have a toenail on the end of my penis? Or that I once ate a live chicken? I do love animals though, I once breast-fed a flamingo back to life. I even taught a deer to say "I'm Bill Brasky!!!" I bleed peppermint vodka. My crap is used as currency in Argentina. I shed my skin once a year. I have a pet cobra named Beverly that I taught how to fetch and dial a phone. I've even had sex with a cigarette machine. I drive an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. I brush my teeth with a meat cleaver and rock salt. And I'm a hell of a salesman, so worship me . . . and drink to me!!
