About Me
oh, for the days of worrying about dan quayle and papa bush when mabl was born under the banner of 'bozoes for quayle'. oh for enough flour and filling to bring down baby bush & his cabal.
in the beginning. . .
Bozoes for Quayle was born in 1992, mainly as a support for poor danny
boy. He was traveling around to lots of strange towns and we just wanted
him to feel at home. So when he came to Ravenna, OH we put on our wigs,
made placards of some of his little gems of wisdom, showed up and were
generally disrespectful so he wouldn't be the only clown in town.
We got a good review in the New York Times, (and on watching the video
made by our priestess of propaganda, we discovered that Quayle got
a hard-on- quite possibly the inspiration for his book title Standing Firm). In 96, having been deprived of our fearless leader, The
Bozoe Brigade needed a new vision. We wanted to greet all the
bozoes on the parade that year, go to a convention or two, maybe have our
own. Trying to come up with ideas for the welcome wagon and wondering
how the new Mayor Dailey will act at the democratic convention in chicago
this time around i was reminded how damn boring protest has become and
how strange the language of politics has become. when else could you have
a bunch of rich white yahoos in suits claiming to be revolutionaries. or
maybe its just that i grew up watching laugh-in, but it seems its time
to bring back pieing.
The only problem i could see was that in our kinder gentler times now it
might be considered a felony or something to publicly humiliate a candidate,
so i decided to make some calls and find out.
I started with the US Attorney Office, and asked if it was a federal offense
to hit an elected official or candidate in the face with a pie. The lady
i talked to didn't know the answer, but in between fits of laughter suggested
i call my congressman. It seemed she liked the idea, so i tried to get
some advice on what kind of pie to hit buchanan with. Since she had no
suggestions i took her advice and called up my friendly neighborhood congressional
office. The woman i spoke with put me on hold for a few minutes and came
back with the answer that it would be considered assault, unless they volunteered
for it. She suggested that i call the police maybe to find out what they
would charge us with. she was so helpful that i volunteered to pie the
person of her choice. she laughed like she had someone in mind, but declined
the offer. It was time to go on to the guys with the guns to see how they
felt.
i called up the fbi and asked them what they figured would happen to someone
if they flung a pie at a candidate. The lady seemed put off, so i explained
it would be thrown without the pan and asked her if she had ever seen laugh-in
or heard of Aaron Kay .
i was told rather abruptly that i'd gotten the wrong branch of the ministry
of love - the secret service is in charge of crimes against the president
or threats against the president. i told her i wasn't threatening the president,
i was talking about pie. "Oh, i know" she said, probably writing down the
number on their caller i.d. for future reference. Oh well, on to the ss.
The secret service has absolutely no sense of humor. I should have taken
a hint from my last run in with these fellows that a pie in the eye would
not be taken lightly.
When the bozoes went to see bush in bowling green ohio, the secret service
hunted us clowns down and pulled us aside. it seems the young
nazis who stole our flyers at the metal detector gate had passed them
on. (the flyer showed a clenched fist Bush with the caption "Stop me before
i Kill again") I thought maybe the ss guys were returning our stolen property
when they showed us the flyers and asked if they were ours, but instead
they asked if we were going to kill the president. maybe they imagined
the headline -
Bush choked to death with rainbow clown wig.
they were just as jolly today when i told them i was thinking of hitting
pat buchanan with a banana creme pie and was checking to make sure they
weren't going to freak out and shoot me for messing up his makeup job.
I was assured that even tho they might not shoot us, guns would be drawn.
i explained how light and flaky the crust would be and how we'd be careful
not to hurt anyone, but was told that if we attacked anyone they were protecting
they might shoot us. i remarked that people sure had lost their sense of
humor in this country and the lady on the other end decided it was time
to figure out who i was and how many friends i had.
what's your name ?
gus
is that your last name ?
no, my last name is louis
so gus is your first name ?
on no, that's sue
oh so THEY just call you that ?
yeah, sometimes
now, i 've noticed how much the protectors of liberty like writing "a.k.a."
in their spy reports, so i figured i'd play along. she got more excited
about the whole thing at this point and started asking things like
"who do you get together with and talk about this with", "how many of you
get together and talk", "when you talk, who do you talk about ? who do
you hate so much that you would want to hit them with a pie", "why do you
hate them and what have they done to you ?" i wanted to keep playing spy
games but i figured by now they'd punched up the caller i.d. and had my
number ad address and were writing down my real name with a notation (a.k.a.
gus) and well, i just re-read 1984 last night. so instead of making
references to a shadowy underground conspiracy of psychotic revolutionary
bakers who hated everyone in government, i told her we didn't necessarily
hate anyone, that just "my friends and i" were talking about it and that
i'd gotten the pie idea after reading my yippie handbook again. maybe i
should have stuck with the mad baker story. when i asked her if she remembered
the zippies she asked if i'd like to speak with an agent.
fun is fun, but this was a long distance call so i declined. she assured
me that an agent would really want to talk to me. i told her i had
to go, but not to worry too much since i wasn't prepared to die for a pie.
but by now they've probably started a file on the great pie conspiracy
and will be on the lookout for any large flour, fruit or whipped creme
purchases. while it may have a serious effect on the campaign if
the secret service shot a clown for hitting pat buchanan with a pie, i'm
sure its not worth it. have to come up with something else, at least for
ohio. maybe the agents are less touchy somewhere else. any one interested
should give their local ss (in the government section of the phone book
under Department of Treasury, Secret Service) a call and ask them. just
tell them gus wants to know. Or
E-mail the SS
....and remember, if you choose to pie, when you're making the crust make
sure its firm enough to take out of the pan but flaky enough not to knock
anyone out. by default, one of the bozoes will end up in charge and we
don't want them any more brain damaged than they already are.
remember plenty of folks could use a pie in the face and not all of them
have surly guards who are armed and dangerous
