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Anyone and everyone thats not a DOUCHE BAG.Tips on pleasing your raver BoyfriendIf the beat is going 900 miles an hour, he'll dance to it. The raver boy is a bizarre breed of boy. When he's not dancing like a crack addict, he's doing enough E to hump a tree. Here's some tips on how not to burn out on his personality. * Try not to be openly embarrassed by his choice in wardrobe. Raver boys don't wear clothes, they wear costumes! This means glitter, fake fur and any kind of shiny material. He's probably gonna wear huge pants and a stuffed-animal backpack - so don't be tempted to parade him around a biker bar anytime soon. * If you like to party all night, you're in luck. Ravers love to start dancing at 11 pm and then eventually pass out around 8 am. Of course, they tend to take lots of acid and speed to stay awake. So don't expect him to be coherent just because his eyes are open. * Also be prepared to watch your boyfriend trying to order bagels at 9 am Saturday with a head full of acid. After eight hours of repetative mind numbing beats his hearing is shot, so he's yelling. And his synapses are so fried even speaking English is a big accomplishment - basically, the residual drugs in his system are just icing on the cake. * Resist the temptation to tell him that ravers are no different than the disco dancing fools of the seventies. He's gonna get mad at that because he's trying to be new and different, not a bad rehash of a decade that's too uncool to mention. Or worse, don't get the ravers and the club kids mixed up! * When you visit his pad, be prepared to listen to a lot of techno, jungle, trip hop, acid house and hopefully some ambient tunes. Lots of ravers pride themselves on being makeshift DJs, so you might fall victim to listening to hours of bad segues and beatmixing. * If your raver happens to be a professional DJ, don't let him talk you into calling him a techno shaman or priest. He spins records, not guides souls. * Refrain from trying to get into a deep discussion about your relationship while at a rave. He'll either be too full of energy to take what you say to heart, or he'll be so fried that he'll barely comprehend your words. They don't call it trance music for nothing, honey. * However, actually abusing the fact that he's strung out on empathogens (mdma, 2cb) offers you a unique oportunity to take advantage of the fact that he's willingly taken drugs that were designed for marriage councelling. Learn all those dark secrets he swore he'd never tell! * Much like stoners, ravers tend to travel in packs. So if you're dating one, be prepared to entertain them all. This means your apartment might easily turn into the battle of the DJs if they bring their own turntables. * No matter how cool all those rave flyers look, they make crappy wallpaper. Don't turn your bedroom walls into a raver flyer shrine just to please him. Your eyes will thank you later when you wake up from a hangover. * Raver boys are notorious for thinking their name is on some imaginary guestlist. Bring extra money to a rave just in case he realizes that he's not as popular as he originally thought. Also keep in mind there really is no such thing as a cheap rave. Be prepared to spend at least $20 to get in and an additional $5 per bottle of water. * Just because he drinks a lot of smart drinks, doesn't mean he's smart.
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How much do you know about extreme metal?
Expert Metalhead
You have a vast knowledge of the many forms of underground metal. Relish in the fact that you are above most. (Nokturnal Mortum)

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