"An eye for an eye and the whole world is blind" -- Gandhi
Okay, so I'm Peyt0n Sawyer. You could say I have two sides of me; my broody artistic emo girl and the cheerleader. Two complete polar oppisites. You must be thinking I've got mutiple personalities. Well, I hate to disapoint, but I don't. I'm just a regular girl who has huge issues letting people in to my life. You may think I'm some poser since I'm "emo" and also a cheerleader. The truth is, you know nothing about me. Pretty much all you know is that I cheerlead and draw. Oh, and that I have trust issues. Don't judge me now, you'll regret it later. You've got no idea who I am underneath my picture. Underneath who you see on the outside. I can be your worst enemy or your best friend. All I want in life is to surround myself with people who love me for me, not someone who you want me to be.
First of all, you don't know me, second of all, you don't know me.
My name is Peyt0n Elizabeth Sawyer. I grew up in a town called Tree Hill which is located in the state North Carolina. Let me tell you a little about my life, and what it's been like for me. When I was 10 my mom died. She was my everything. Still is. She taught me a lot of things. Things that can never be taken away from me. I became the artist she never had the chance to become. She ran a red light, which lead to another car hitting hers in the side, and she died. At that point I felt like my world was crashing, and falling apart.Luckily I had my best friend, Brooke Davis plus my dad, Larry Sawyer to help me the best he could, no matter how much a difficult of a task it was to raise me alone as a single dad. But he never really was around.I'm not saying that in a negative way-- like he never loved me and hated to be around me kind of story. He just had a job that meant for him to be away a lot. At sea. He loves me. And wants to support me, us, the best way possible. Sadly this was the only way. But I wasn't always alone. Brooke was always by my side leaving me not so lonely. By the time we started high school my dad trusted us enough for us to be left alone at my place. Which was good because I love my house, and to have someone who I love lots there helped a lot.
After I while I finally managed to move on with my life even how much I missed my mom. Eventually I fell in love with this guy I met in school, Nathan Scott. Even though we fought a lot, he was a wonderful boyfriend to have. When my relationship with Nathan started fading I practically ran into his brother, Lucas Scott with my car. We ended up just staring at each other. I admit: I wanted him. Lucas ended up getting together with my best friend, Brooke. Deep down, I was more than heart broken. But knowing me, I kept my mouth shut.
Besides Brooke probably needed a guy like Lucas in her life, to help her see she didn't have to always be so wild and not want a REAL exclusive relationship. But I guess I wanted it to be anybody else but Lucas Scott.
It was all okay until one day we decided to go on a trip, and we ended up almost sleeping together.
We didn't though. He eventually told her, and of course Brooke was heartbroken. After that things just got weird with Lucas and me, but at least I managed to get Brooke to understand, and we became best friends again quickly. I love her for forgiving me like that.At this time I met Jake Jagielski, whom turned out to be the love of my life. What happened? Peyton Sawyer got her heart broken. Jake left with his daughter Jenny to live in Savannah. His ex, Jenny’s mother named Nikki was after him so he had to go to keep his daughter. When Jake left, I found myself feeling that same painful feeling of heart break. I missed him. Him and Jenny both. They were the only people who made everything okay. And now with them gone I felt completely empty. But Lucas was there, making things easier. And we both quickly became friends again. Even after everything that had happened before. We were cool.
I then grew depressed once I saw everyone had someone. While single me had welll,...no one. Eventually I met Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy. We started dating, but sadly that ran over pretty quickly. I met him through the work I did with my real mother, Ellie Harp. Yes, my real mother showed up at my door, and basically my whole life was based on a lie. She died of cancer not long after I met her. Lucas at this point was back together with Brooke, and it was alright with me. I didn't mind or anything like that at all. Then there was the school shooting. Jimmy Edwards shot me in the leg, and I was about to die when Lucas came in the library, and he saved my life. I kissed him, and told him I loved him. And just like that, everything suddenly changed. Me, Lucas and Brooke were back where we started from.
What happened next? My ex-best friend, Brooke "dumped" me when she found out I have feelings for her now ex-boyfriend. He told her about the kiss at Nathan and Haley's wedding, and she slapped me. Wow, some drama. Well I guess I had it coming. You can't just do things like that, and expect for everyone to understand, right? Still I'm dealing with this everyday, trying to move on. I'll tell you it's not easy with an ex best friend hanging over you wanting to bring you down. And I want her back as I friend, I really do. I just wish she would let me back in. The letter.Yeah, I found a letter from my real mom, Ellie, that she had left for me in a Led Zeppelin record before she died. This letter explained to me that somewhere out there, I have a half-brother named Derek Sommers. Eventually I managed to make myself call him, but he didn't want to talk to me. Then, a few days later he showed up at my door. At least so I thought. It turned out to be some stalker obsessed with me, and he tried to kill me. Again, Lucas saved my life together with the real Derek. After this I've just been trying to deal with it, but it's hard. My life keeps having the wrong turns. So I met the real Derek under complicated circumstances. But that didn't stop my intentions to get to know the guy. He did afterall save my life. He was in the Army. He was dedicated to what he did for his country.Which was why he was such a hard ass to pull him away from it, because that was all he did 24/7. When he did, I liked who I gotten to know. He had my sarcasm. We didn't have a lot in common but our sarcasm. Not that it didn't make things more difficult but more interesting. He helped me a lot.He helped me build a lot of courage. I was more brave and stronger than I ever was before. Hell, he even taught me how to kick some ass. Boxing style. After that I really wanted someone to mess with me. Because I knew I'd kick some serious ass. Haha. Eventually all the fun ended, and he left. Sure I was sad to see him go. But I now understand why he did. He knew I always needed someone to be there for me. I never claimed my own independence and actually been on my own. Pretty much I was needy. But Derek taught me to be on my own. And I'm doing pretty good with that.
Confession. So when Lucas said that him and Brooke were definitely over, I decided it was my turn. That moment was the time to tell him exactly how I felt. it didn't go too well. In response I got an "Oh". You heard me. All he said was "Oh". Then later on he told me I was the one he wanted next him when his dreams came true, and kissed me. Then I heard about this little sex tape that Brooke and Nathan had made in our Sophomore year.
Naturally, I flipped and Brooke and I got into another huge fight. Except this time around, I let her go. I realized this whole thing cat fight we were doing was too often. Maybe we just weren't meant to be that BFF forever and ever. I just knew that I was over it. I'm not mad anymore, I've cooled down. It just surprised me because Nathan hasn't been that asshole in a long time; I had begun to forget that he had been that guy. We're okay and everything's fine. I feel really bad about Brooke really being out of my life, but what else was I supposed to do? Lucas and I never slept together. It just really sucks to not be her friend. Because I know whole the real Brooke Davis is. She is so much more than meets the eye. Deep down, she is a good friend, a good person in general. And soo much fun. She's come from so much, and to see the old her wasn't pleasant.
Brooke and I are friends again, finally. I missed her so much. We're working on patching things up and I couldn't be happier about it. Having my bets friend back really rocks. Rachel got expelled, though, and she's gone. But prom is coming up and I for one can't wait for it to be over with. I can't wait to get out of High School. Hopefully prom is going to be amazing. I think we all deserve it because, at least for me, this was the hardest year yet in Tree Hill.But the more I look back on it, the more I realized it was the best.
Sure it had its good and bad times but thats just how life is. Some times when things are sweet it goes sour. Everything had seemed to be piecing thigns together. Nathan and Haley were okay, and ready for their baby boy to be born. Brooke and I were cool like a swimming pool. She had the cutie clean teen Chase and I had Lucas. Everyone was with and where they should be now. It was nice. Ravens won the championship and prom was around the corner.Like any normal things, I want things to go smoothly..for once. But naturally, they didn't. My stalker 'Derek' kidnapped me and later Brooke. That night was full of toture. It was a nightmare. After that night, I didn't become a weaker person.
I became stronger. Me and Brooke grew closer than apart. We decided to start new. To make our friendship stronger and better then it was before. It was great. After all the drama and nightmares we all lived through, we made up for prom. It wasn't how we all imagined it but it wasn't bad either. After a suprising graduation, a new addition to the family, we all then had one last goodbye. Where else? The rivercourt. Where it all began. It had to of been the best night ever.
I think I deserve to have a nice time, free of drama. A chance to actually enjoy myself and not have to worry if I was going to have another knife stabbed into my back. Don't you? Yeah,..I do. I'm not exactly miss sunshine, but I deserve some happiness.
Fast Forward 4Years...
Now,..I'm starting a whole new chapter of my life. After graduation, instead of going to school, I decided to take an offer of an internship in Los Angeles, California for the summer. Naturally it was going to be a huge difference for a small town girl like myself to adapt to. But I convinced myself enough to thinking life in L.A was going to be easy, and everything how I wanted it to be. But god how wrong was I. It was hard leaving Tree Hill.No matter how much I hated it or how badly I wanted to get out of it, it was still home. But leaving Tree Hill wasn’t even the hardest thing to leave.It was more like someone. Lucas Scott. He was my heart, my soul, my best friend, my everything. And to leave him for a second was hard enough. But for a summer.I led myself to believe that it was impossible. But he built me up strong enough to claim my independence and just do it, and that he would always be here. Waiting for me.So I was more excited now than I was afraid. When I first got to L.A, I have to admit, the glamour and popularity it lived up to wasn’t me. But I do love the night life. Which made up for everything else I disliked about it. I got more into the hangs of things in L.A, completely forgetting about North Carolina. My whole life plans then quickly changed over night, making one summer away into four whole years. The feeling of hope was lost to four years worth of doubt and disappointment to Lucas. I knew it. I felt it. I then knew once I would return back home, I’d know I’d lost everything I worked and fought for.
So now I am back. Twenty Two years old and still confused on what is life. I left L.A for the time being, as it is slowly stealing away the last bit of sanity I have left. I just really missed the small southern town comfort feeling. Coming back to Tree Hill, seeing my old friends and town is seen far more differently in my eyes. To be gone that long can change that, I guess. I’m staying in the apartment Brooke and I once shared after our little dispute.We decided to keep it together, knowing it would be some place we both can escape to from the real world. Being back in Tree Hill was more then I expected it to be. Its tough to see and talk to the people you once thought you knew, but have changed. But I don't think its them thats changed. Its me. As hard as it is to admit to myself, and especially others is that I ran away. I ran away from everything I once knew to some place else. Where I could be anybody. But the thought of knowing that some place, someone knows the real me. Thats what kills me. But honestly can you blame me? After all I've gone through just maybe I did need to get away, or run away. I've had the best and of course the worst times here in Tree Hill. And to get the fresh air of life else where was relaxing for me. Being some place else, when no one doesn't know everyone or has the same dad was nice to have. But I've realized that I still need the comfort of home every now and then. Which is why I'm back. To get the sense of who I am and what I've been missing. And who knows, just maybe rekindle and meet up with familiar faces. We'll just see what happens with everything.
