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Dave

I am here for Friends

About Me

Wow, there are way too many things here for me to share about myself. I feel the unseen internet masses judging me already. Huh.Let's see, I'm from McKinney, Texas which you probably already know from elsewhere. I run satellite communications for the Army (my rank is Specialist -- Equals "top peon" for you non-military types), and I've recently returned from deployment in Iraq.I have a constantly-expanding list of hobbies. My hobbies mostly involve making stuff: Beer and wine brewing, cooking, soapmaking, electronics, robotics, sewing, and woodworking.Aside from building things, I fish, play frisbee golf, and enjoy flying kites. I also enjoy archery and black powder rifles, although I don't hunt.Here are some things I like:
Snow that crunches when you step on it, the word "unscrupulous," creative swear words, robots, ninjas, pirates, robot ninja pirates, badly dubbed kung-fu films (subtitles in broken English a plus), fantasizing about being in a heist, old men who tell crazy stories, the A-Team.Things I don't like:
Unnecessarily scented hygeine products, guys who dress to match their cars/motorcycles, TV series crossovers, coffee shop orders spoken in lingo ("grande mocha low-fat half-caf macchiato"), people that use a paper towel to avoid touching doorknobs, the word "leakages," the phrase "How you gonna...?", homeopathic medicine, Pat Robertson.And no, Mom doesn't really drink. My gi-normous head is 100% natural. Respect it.

My Interests

Crap. I didn't see this section when I filled out my bio. And I'm too lazy to edit it. So let's review:Making stuff: Beer/wine brewing, soapmaking, robotics, woodworking, sewing, cooking, electronics.Doing stuff: Fishing, disc golf, kite flying, camping, archery.

I'd like to meet:

The people I'd like to meet include just about anyone. People with similar interests are great, people who also have friends/family in Iraq, or whoever. If I know you/used to know you, definitely contact me; I'd love to hear from you!People who I don't care to meet:
Douchebags. Most of us know who belongs in this category, but I'll break it down, just in case you might fall in there and not know it.1. You feel that those who do not share (or at least act in accordance with) your approximate religious beliefs will go to hell, purgatory, limbo, hades, a lake of fire, the void, or wherever when they die.
2. You drive a large vehicle because you "need the room for your kids." Nothing against large vehicles, but seriously, get a tape and measure the kids. If you really birthed some gargantuan Mongoloid who can't cram into a Mini Cooper, just buy a normal car anyway and tie his fat ass to the luggage rack.
3. You feel that support of a war or the President are criteria by which you can gauge someone's patriotism.
4. You feel that necessary preparations to attend a family member's funeral include fake tanning.
5. Exaggerated coughing is your way of telling people that you prefer they not smoke.
6. Your baby and/or dog has its own designer outfits.
7. You have something called a spiritual diet, which if not followed, makes you, like, totally bummed.
8. You still get weepy thinking about all the people that lost their homes in Katrina, but you're against the low-cost housing project next to your neighborhood.There you go. You're probably thinking to yourself, "Wow, this guy sounds like a bad stand-up comedian," unless you are a douchebag, in which case you're probably thinking, "A Yoplait sounds really good right now, but I don't know if I want to do the extra crunches to work it off." Either way, you know where you stand.

Music:

Classic Rock, Indie Rock, Downtempo. I listen to a lot of comedy CDs, if that counts at all.I like Doves, Who, The Cloud Room, Stereolab, Queen, Blue Oyster Cult, The Bravery, Rooney, Jurassic 5, Underworld, Venus Hum, Franz Ferdinand, Modest Mouse, Scorpions, Emiliana Torrini, Dragonforce, Keane.Dane Cook, David Cross, Dave Attell, and Patton Oswalt are my comedy favorites.

Movies:

The Big Lebowski (#1 movie of all time), Office Space, Story of Ricky, Kung Fu Hustle, Tron, Hedgwig and the Angry Inch, 40 Year-Old Virgin.

Television:

The A-Team, Strangers With Candy, South Park, Home Movies, MacGyver, BattleBots, The Office (BBC version), Antique Road Show

Books:

Novels and Literature: Rainlight, Deception Point, The DaVinci Code, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, Real Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book.Politics and Philosophy: Blowback (Thanks, Linnley!), Beyond Good and Evil, The Art of War, Tao Te Ching, Communist Manifesto, The Complete Idiot's Guide to (Philosophy, Eastern Philosophy, the World's Religions), The Prince, The Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy.How-To: The Homebrewer's Garden, How-To Hydroponics, The Complete Modern Blacksmith, Combat Robots Complete, The Evil Genius series of project books.

My Blog

I'll be helping myself to more of your tax dollars soon...

Good news!  I'm happy to say that I'll soon be getting promoted...again!  That's good news for me, bad news for you--I'll be sucking up even more of your tax dollars and have yet more execut...
Posted by Dave on Fri, 07 Jul 2006 11:36:00 PST

My favorite Slut-o-Gram (adult language inside)

As many of you know, I have a special place in my heart for the genre of friend requests that come to me anonymously, always from purported bisexual lingerie models who want me to check out their...
Posted by Dave on Sat, 24 Jun 2006 12:01:00 PST

Objects which weigh less than my head

A junior-league bowling ball.  A three-season modular sleeping bag.  One hundred feet of climbing rope.  A toy poodle.  A wedding cake to serve 50 people.  One gallon of water...
Posted by Dave on Fri, 19 May 2006 12:29:00 PST

I can always fall back on directing pornography...

So I came up with an idea for a porno movie.  Tell me what you think. The name of the movie will be... Weapons of Ass Destruction I figure the plot will be along these lines:  Radical leader...
Posted by Dave on Tue, 09 May 2006 01:31:00 PST

The desert heat is making me hallucinate!

So, a little information about the place that I'm stationed right now: I do not believe that I am in Iraq.  I am in north Arizona, and the dark-skinned locals are not Iraqis after all, but Mexica...
Posted by Dave on Sun, 07 May 2006 02:13:00 PST