Theodora
Naked,
without track of shame
- without titles and names -
Theodora,
sucked insatiably the Spring.
The smell of earth
disturbed her
and she long for you.
-George K. Stasinopoulos
I waited for you, hoping you would come. I sat down, my legs crossed underneath me. Actually I wasn’t waiting for you. I had left alone and did not expect anyone to find me. It began to rain, lightly at first, then more heavily, the raindrops falling hard upon the ground all around me. I remember someone telling once that when it rains, the gods are crying… is that true?
Because I am always happy when it rains. I turned my face up to the sky smiling and opened my mouth laughing, my tongue trying to catch the raindrops. I stood up and started dancing, spinning dizzyingly. I closed my eyes and let the rain wash everything away; every doubt, every fear, every shadow that pervaded my mind.
I don’t know how long I spent, dancing in the rain. People thought I was crazy. A crazy girl dancing in the rain, embracing the raindrops and laughing up at the sky. I was in love with the clouds. I remember lying down then, and smiling to myself like I had some secret which lit me up inside and kept me dry and warm. You came and lay down next to me, never saying a word but letting the rain fall on you too.
I knew that you always hated being wet, but what you did not know was that the rain loved you as much as I did. It began to rain harder and I began to laugh and you laughed along with me. I laughed because you had found me and I never expected to fall into your arms the way I was doing so right now. I was so deeply happy and content that you caught me as I was falling. I laughed because of the way you looked with raindrops on your eyelashes and your cheeks and your nose and your lips. I laughed because you looked so perfect and so damp. I laughed because you kissed me hesitantly like a little boy kisses a little girl and makes her a promise. I laughed because you came and you found me in the rain.
The night had that lovely fireplace smell that you only ever get in winter. When I breathed out, the crisp night air would turn my breath into sparkling mist that shimmered in the moonlight. I kicked off the ground and began to swing. My hands gripped the ropes as I swung higher and higher, my feet lightly brushing the wet grass beneath me. I laughed and grew breathless as I reached for the stars. The moonbeams cast their glow over me, splashing milky pools of light and bleaching the grass.
The night was still, the only sound being my laughs which echoed into the light cast by the stars. My hair flew out behind me as I swung higher, higher, higher. I felt you behind me. Don’t ask me how but I always knew when you were there. If I was standing blindfolded in any room in any house in any country, I could have sensed you the moment you walked through the door. It was something about the way your very presence filled the air.
I let myself swing to a stop and I grinned as you walked around to face me. You thought I looked beautiful with my hair tossed and my cheeks flushed. I grinned cheekily at you as you leaned forward trying to kiss me and poked my tongue out. You gasped in mock surprise as I slipped out of your arms and ran across the grass. I span about as I ran, laughing and breathless as it started to snow gently.
You caught me behind a tree and put your arms around me. I kissed you, my eyelashes thick with snowflakes and my cold nose rubbing into your cheek. I felt your hands, cold around my waist and your tongue, warm in my mouth. I shivered with pleasure and the cold. I opened my eyes and I laughed with delight because I was in your arms. You said that you could see the stars in my eyes and the moonbeams in my mouth. And I smiled because all around us, the snow fell.
the whitlams, pre-white Michael Jackson, cypress hill, massive attack, the beatles, letters to cleo, the beach boys, guns n roses, jessica riddle, donna lewis, muse, the cure, urb, sum 41, schumann, green day, lamb, vanessa carlton, kelly clarkson, damien rice, daniel powter, cole porter, chopin, frank sinatra, the killers, michelle branch, andre gagnon, REM, the foo fighters, schubert, edvard grieg, the bloodhound gang, smashing pumpkins, liszt, death cab for cutie (pre selling out), the verve, skeeter davis, filter, daft punk, snow patrol, nerina pallot(ok so it's a random mix but i'm eclectic like that!)
dont mess with the occult.
but i thought it was good for your digestion...?
thats yakult you idiot!
Oh dark angel who guides my every thought and action... dear heart, sweet one, my guiding star, lead me into the light...
lead me down the path of your dreams where autumn leaves fall on dusky sighs and mellow sweet breath... lead me on...
so that I may gaze upon blue waters with starlight reflected and wavering in the darkness of your eyes... so that I may wait a while with you and watch the darkness...
and look into the future, and gaze into the mirror and see only myself reflected.
Will you not rest with me awhile? Sleep with me and breathe with me for just one night... join me in the deep slumber and in that, what dreams may come...
and such dreams should be so sweet, so poignant, so painfully wonderful that I should never want to leave them ever again...
but even if such dreams should be but nightmares, I would still follow you every day of my life, for I love you...
and so lead on, lead on, lead on... I will follow you to the ends of the earth, to the stars and back if only I have your hand in mine to keep me safe.
but for the moment, I sit alone in my room and my heart calls out to you. And all I can say is that I miss you. I miss those nights of heady passion and arms entwined and sweet sweat dripping. I miss the caress of your breath against my skin as you whisper your love for me...
so hold my hand dear heart? I wove myself into you so that you could never let me go... but I never realised you had done the same to me
I never realised how lost I would feel without you, how my heart would shatter and my skin would rip and peel. I never thought my breath would catch in my throat and my eyes would burn with unshed tears...