Alexa was born, January 25, 1990, in the little town of Toledo. As a child, Alexa amused herself by playing typical children’s games such as "ponies", "barbies", and "getting left at the Andersons because your mom forgot you were in the produce section".
However, as Alexa grew older, she wised up to the ways of the world. She gained hands on experience through real life lesions. She discovered that strange men with candy, and kittens are NOT good people. She learned not to leave her favorite sweater on her bed because when she would come home, her cat would be raping it. She had certain mentors to guide, teach, and help her thorough these difficult realizations. One of which was Eden.
Eden played an important role in the life of Alexa. She taught her that life has no purpose and that we were all spiraling downward into the deep, dark, depressing abyss.
Even so, Alexa liked to amuse herself with small pleasures. She loved the smell of dirt, pink gerber daisies, picking her nail to the point of nubbins, looking at shiny things, giant rubber duckies, lighting matches, smelling old books, getting her ass slapped by Dustin, and looking at people's faces while they were taking a test (however, this was a risky game because there was always a chance that the teacher could misinterpret it as cheating. But the thrill was what made it exciting for Alexa).
Although Alexa knew that there was no reason to life, little things still annoyed her. Things such as wired sounds that made her think aliens were coming to give her an anal probe, wet socks, Christmas sweaters, stubbing her toes, and the smell of old popcorn.
Alexa led an exciting life, full of adventure, scandal, crime, and sex. Yet tragedy struck July 21, 2021. While attempting to be the first person to cross the Atlantic by blimp, she crashed. She landed on a small island off the coast of Greenland, inhabited only my Cannibals. There, she was savagely disemboweled, ripped apart, and eaten.
The end.
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