'have you ever loved something so much you told a tiny little lie? a negative truth. and you believed and you loved your new invention so deeply, you would kill to make it true? your visulisation. your futureisation. your self masturbation. is all you have. so honor it. some say lady gaga is a lie. and they are right. i am a lie. and everyday i kill to make it true.'
'amidst all of these flashing lights, i pray the fame won't take my life.'
INSOMNIA (noun)
1. an inability to sleep; chronic sleeplessness.
"Everything here is hard and bright and violent.
Everything I feel, everything I touch, this is hell.
Just getting through the next moment
and the one after that, knowing what I've lost.
death is peaceful, easy. life is harder."
Let it go. There's no way you can save it now.
Get back, you know. That this city is burning.
take my hand, let's get famous.
hello. my name is ben. i like collecting snow globes and lanyards, you should buy me one. i breath in perth air and i receive an income from jay jays. im a vegetarian (that means i dont eat meat or fish) i hate going out. i dont like change and i dont like letting people in. if you ever remember me, i hope that its when you hear the veronicas playing.
now that's what you all want to read, something short and sweet leaving you wanting more, yes? well if not, read on for something with some substance.
an about me hey?
maybe i should start with; 'i wake up in the morning, put on my face, the one thats gonna get me, through another day. doesnt really matter, how i feel inside, this life is like a game sometimes.' thats how i feel a lot of the time, that im screaming inside, screaming for someone to come and fix me, to stop me feeling like this. 'death is peaceful, easy. life is harder.' so much harder. my eating habits are that or near none. im a vegetarian, but im also anorexic. i'm the type of person that relies on family and close friends, doesn't mean i dont treat them badly at times, but at the end of the day i'd do anything to keep them safe. i expect loyalty, because im one of the most loyal people youll ever meet. i'm a very black and white person, an eye for an eye. isn't it lucky i'm not running the country? if im wrong, i wont back down, im argumentative and it usually gets me into fights. i have a few smoke screens or should i say brick walls around me stopping anyone from coming in and knowing me. i have some trust issues, but who honestly doesnt? i speak in lyrics and sarcasm which annoys most people. i loath cars and most people who drive them. i wish i could take back a lot of things that have happened, because id still be the same person without them. i think you need to believe in fate to ever survive in this world. im all for the supernatural, bring it on any day. im pretty good at psyching people out, ive done it a few times. i guess i am pretty cynical, but at the same time i'm a romantic. who knows if gods real or not, id like to think that he is, but i dont think its enough for me to believe and all that rubbish. i want to meet someone with the power to tell me what i am truly and utterly afraid of, because i dont know. i want to be able to know what will become of my life, how ill be remembered etc and has everything that has happened in my eighteen years of life been fate? and i want to have such a connection with someone that i dont need to speak for them to know how im feeling. and someone i can say ' i love you so ' to.
dont you find it odd that humans can get so attached to people, music, movies or even random items like posters. obsession is a noun and it means; the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc. my day to day living is made up of obsessions. family and friends being the number one without a doubt. and thoughts . then gaga, veronicas, paramore, all the other music i crave, twilight and the obsession to do well. so is a person made up of personality or are they made up of obsessions? because i think without an obsession you wouldnt be much of a person, yes? most of my friends would describe me as 'that boy whos obsessed with the veronicas' not 'that boy who has an anger issue' im described by my obsessions. i dont know if thats a good thing or not. clearly from that obsession im going to be judged by you , but then if its an obsession am i really going to give a cent what you think? who knows. change is something im not too fond of, not sure why not. you cant stop change. everything changes, not everyone. of course this whole entire bit thats ive just written has no point. so why have i put it up? who knows. try and decode my thought pattern?
this is what i live for.
i'll be there when your heart stops beating.
i'll be there when your last breaths taken away.
my idol, my shoulder to cry on, my mother.