Although I must start prior to this so it is all fully understood!
We once met an 9 year old Ethiopian drag Queen dressed in a long black gown, white silk gloves up to his elbows and a black turban like hat with a white feather in the front which he got from the Oxfam gang, he had a fag stand although these there chocolate fags he sold in exchange for grains of rice, each fag was worth either 20 grains of hard rice or 12 grains of boiled rice. He once had a angry customer who had only 17 grains of hard rice and argued the fact that he could not boil the rice as he had no pot and the water over there was lethal.
The other story you must understand is the one where Dan was asleep in the boot of his car and nobody realised so as Van Biter walked past at 4 in the morning she closed the boot without looking inside, Dan was then in there with his car keys clutched in his right hand shouting “help†although nobody could here him!!
3 days had passed and still no sign of Dan so we thought it was best to sell the car to the local scrap heap, in exchange we had a car that was a red old mini at the front and a silver Porsche at the back, it was the best we could get!
Dan’s car was then sent to the machine that crushes car’s we had also agreed to keep this as a memento, when it came out of the machine we saw nothing but Dan’s right arm sticking out of the mangled metal square still clutching his keys and yelling for help!!
So now we can begin.
We set of to Dubai where I was to do a shoot. With the money after the 15 days we had decided to spend on a V.W. bus (you know the ones that surfers have and what not!) Although the one we had purchased had no wheels.
We found a man on the beach that day who told us of a small market just outside town where we could buy really cheap camels. We brought 5, they went by the names of front left, front right, back left, back right and spare. As you may have guessed these where to be used as our tyres. We then headed back to the English shores where it was a lot easier and cheaper to “pimp our ride!†we dyed the camels black all apart from spare he was white like a white wall tyre because he had too look good on the front of the van left front and right front had re-enforced tyres and back right and back left has nos for them days around festival park. The van itself was done in the true style of any of them vans peace signs, flowers, rainbows, make love not war etc etc. After we had got all of our things sorted out, we headed to Ethiopia to pick up our 9 year old drag queen at first he was reluctant to come with us but then we had explained that he could bring his rice with him.
At which point we stumbled upon the thought, what if we didn’t have any camels we would travel to Japan and use one of the wheelie things to drag the “bus†along that you hold the front up and the wheels are at the back, whilst wearing them upside down wok hats, kimonos and the shoes that have a wedge in the middle of the foot that you have to balance very well on, plus we wouldn‘t need the “Queens“ rice because we would have had or our rice that would have been egg fried not just boiled!!
But we did have the camels so this never occurred!
Whilst on the way back to England we decided to stop off in Egypt via the hanging gardens of Babylon past the sea of tranquillity. When we arrived in Egypt we went to meet the Pharaoh who took one look at us and stepped down front his post!!!
We then decide to have our tombs created whilst we where still alive so we knew that we would have the desired finish when we finally pass on. We showed the Egyptian people that they could only drink strongbow and old Rosie and they must all become hippies, the new way to wed was also changed as you did not have an eternal binding ring anymore but an ever lasting bite on the neck to show your commitment.
After our visit to Egypt we came home but only briefly as we had to go to Blackpool to get the camels m.o.t.ed ( Apparently the only place in England). Whilst we where there we came to realise that maybe just maybe the Donkeys could be faster than the camels so they had a race off around the pleasure beach it was way to close to call so we just had 3 Donkeys (because by this time we had earned quite a lot of money so we could afford, plus we had also brought a v.w. beetle that sat perfectly on the top of the v.w. “bus†and to avoid the 2 cars damaging each other it was held up by none other than beetles.
In the time it took for the camels to get fixed we had found a small fortune tellers stall that was empty we had the opportunity to tell each chapter of this story to the same amount of people as chapters and give each a small pendent that when all of them live out each part they were told they will meet and all will join to live their lives now as one.
On our next return to England we had a brief accident injuring left back’s knee this was caused due to the fact that on our travels Biter and I had both developed o.c.d. Biters was due to the bad stench whilst travelling through Ethiopia so she held her nose sometimes longer than others depending upon how bad it was, Mine was also from there but I had a short, sharp and rapid head shake due to constantly trying to get rid of the flies, as we were driving through the roads of festival park Biter had one of her more erratic nose issues and could not change gear so she tried to ask myself to do so but as per usual when one of us goes into a spasm the other one usually follows, so as kind heart as I am, I tired anyway (failing) I shifted the gear stick straight into reverse and left backs leg buckled we needed to get him to the garage pronto. He needed to have a bionic leg that could not bend therefore from now on we can not take sharp corners. To be continued...
(bet you wish you weren’t going Ibiza now ay!)
INTRODUCTION
Ok, well i work full time as a claims admin clerk and part time as a fashion, catwalk & hair model. My main goal in life is to move out of this hell hole taht you call stoke-on-trent and move to the BIG SMOKE THAT IS LONDON!
Summer 2008 I am going travelling around America for 3/4 months, i will be getting a visa so that i can shoot over there, so any American based photographers, give me a shou if your interested in working TFP/CD!
At the moment I am looking to get my portfolio top notch ready for the move. I am now taking bookings for 2007 so if your interested in working with me, wether you are a designer, photographer, model, stylist or photographer, please, give me a shout & we can talK ideas. I do work for TFP/CD if i feel it will really benefit my book but otherwise please contact me for rates.
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