Devious J

I once stopped a charging grizzly bear using nothing but a socket wrench and a stale loaf of french bread. I am trying to get a write-in campaign started to bring the Shmoo back to American television where he belongs. I believe we could already have won the war in Iraq if we had just sent in the Kiss army. I have attended an actual Hootnanny. I believe that one legend that will live on forever will be the legend of Popeye the Sailor. I often wake up in a cold sweat wondering what the best thing was BEFORE sliced bread. I once shot a man in Reno, not to watch him die, but because he stole my car. I grew up watching what I thought were the Smurfs but later found out was actually midget porn. I have been banned from the state of Arkansas for doing the Humpty Dance. It took me 7,436 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie pop but only one gunshot. I'd like to see a guy tap dance so fast his legs actually broke because it would finally establish a "tap barrier" and we could move on from there. I'd like to see a world without war or hate and then attack that world because they'd never expect it.