About Me
Chapter One: The Caveman and The Feline
One dandy December, Og(guitar) and Katz(guitar) met at a certain camp, which shall remain nameless. The young Katz asked the slightly older, but much hairier, Og if he would like to form a band. "Meh", was the lustless, liveless repsonse.
A while passed, and the "Meh" changed in Og's mind into a lively "HELL FUCKING YEH, BITCH WHORE". So he phoned Katz.
Chapter Two: The Caveman, The Feline and The Greek
The two played together with a certain drummer, who shall not remain nameless, and a certain bassist whose name, quite frankly, I can't fucken remember. The bassist was less than incredible, so he was disposed of in a violent and bloody fashion, involving horny mutants and starved Australians. The Australians had their way with him and proceded to fornicate with the mutants, producing a race of Ubermenschen, who were swiftly whiped out by the Irish. The drummer, Tally, however, proved his worth, and was not disposed of in a violent and bloody fashion, although he did get drunk with the above mentioned Irish.
Chapter Three: Along Comes a Rat
The three musicians played as a trio for a while, occasionally auditioning prospective members. One fateful Sunday (or Saturday) an old friend of Og's comes to a band practice. After some persuasion he was asked to sing. After some deliberation he was asked to remain as the group's vocalist .
Chapter Four: Rat, Caveman, Feline, Greek... And Chaos
The name ...And Chaos was chosen. I have nothing more to say about this.
Chapter Five: OZZA! owns JOO!
Another friend of Og's (my isn't he popular, and good looking?) was invited to play with the band. The bassist, known as OZZA!, and the band hit it off straight away, and OZZA! was forced into staying with the band. It seemed that the boys had a full lineup, but alas, trouble brewed in the next chapters (with all the excitement of the first 5 chapters, including: bad writing, grammatical errors and more!).
Chapter Six: Irish Revenge
It seems that the drummer had outdrank the Irish. The Irish (not to be outdone), kidnapped and slaughtered the drummer. They spread his body to the four corners of the Earth, sent his brain to the sun, and poked him (well what remained: mainly torso and genetalia).
Chapter Six and a Half: Irish Revenge... again
The band, now four, were out saving the beautiful, big breasted Princess Jameson from the evil Count Hasselhof, when The Count contacted the Irish, telling them that he would buy them a round each for every band member that they destroy. The Irish quickly decided to destroy the smallest band member first, and as they could not see Katz (on account of his being very white, pale and scrawny, and thus invisible to the Irish eye), The Rat was chosen as their target and reduced to a pile of steaming ashes. The Irish, having destroyed decided to have the drink owed to them by the evil Count Hasselhof. Little did they know, that The Count had planned on them destroying all the members before they cashed in on his offer. Enraged, The Count launched a full on war on The Irish. It is rumoured that they are still locked in combat to this day. The band went on to save the Princess. As reward for their struggles Princess Jameson unfastened her chastity belt (which looked suspiciously tainted...) and performed various ping-pong ball tricks. I'm told that it was "fucking awesome, man!".
And then there were three: Ozza, Og and Katz.
Chapter Seven: The Intalian
As you have undoubtedly assumed; Intalian is a portmanteau derived from the words Indian and Italian. After years of selective breeding the perfect skinbeater was created. He was passed along from merchant to merchant until he caught the eye of the above mentioned, deceased Rat (the fact that this makes no sense is irrelevent as it will be explained in the coming chapters. Anyone daring to question this will be beaten severely with a shoe covered in poodle shit). The Rat beheld the awesome power of the drummer known only as Adam. Knowing full and well that his band he is in (as he is not dead and this will be explained later [don’t forget the poodle shoe]) needed a drummer, The Rat hired a gyrocopter and flew all the way to Lots-of-Beer-and-Steak-Land where Og, Ozza and Katz live to tell them the exciting news. The drummer was promptly purchased for Seventeed gold wedges and a butter-knife. This was sad as Ozza had grown attached to the knife, which he had welded. From another, bigger knife.
Chapter Eight: Rat Reincarnation
There was an incident involving a microwave, a cell phone and a tab of something (I wish I was lying). This caused the fabric of the universe to rip like one of Og’s farts, or two. Two possible outcomes could have occurred:
A)- The Rat could have come back to life.
B)- The rat could have come back to life with two scrotums, tattoos, and a few piercings.
If you are truly interested in which outcome occurred I suggest grabbing his plentiful balls. Or look at his tattoos/piercings. You know, whatever tickles your fancy. Or his fancy.....then pablo came and killed them all sniffed coke and died!!!
And thus is the story of how the band …and chaos came to exist. Which is a good thing because existing is pretty much all that they do. Can we hope for great things to come from this band? I don’t know – can you?(since Og is fucken lazy i(katz) shall clear this little mess up) So Pablo came and killed Ozza so therefor we had to take him on as bass....so we started gigging, had GRIMFEST as our third gig...yadda yadda yadda....we started growing and so did our fan base! then Pablo died in a freak walkie talkie accident and Adan was hired on bass! so now the band ...and Chaos has come to take over the world and drink your beer!
