Arenita por la Calle - ProfilesArchive

About Me

When I turned fourteen, I went to see a fortune-teller. I was told that the time and date of my birth signifies a life of lonliness and despair, that I will always be misunderstood and inevitably ostracized, and that I will die young and alone and possibly by my own hand or by heart failure due to ineffectual loving.This summer I discovered that the clerk at the gas station down the road has the same ominous birthday. Incredibly, the night clerk, the weekend clerk, and the manager, as well as six other regular customers were also born on this day. It seemed to be a sign from the fates, so we formed a support group in August.Currently the group is planning a huge birthday party. We truly believe that our birthday is a cause for celebration and not a curse of the damned. It will be in the SA breakroom, and we will have plenty of refreshments, including Pepsi, Marlboros, and Chuckwagons. We invite all of you to share this special day with us.I have come a long way since that fateful day in the gypsy-cart. I haven't died yet, and some of the people in my top eight like me. Of all the forecasts, the only one that continues to afflict me is being misunderstood. I don't see why, but others have suggested that it's my infatuation with tribal cannibalism and the conviction that whales, if they wanted to, could eat people out of spite.

My Blog

Kenny Muhammad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImgIt-6xs5I Make me so happy
Posted by on Sun, 28 Dec 2008 13:01:00 GMT

Savannah

There is a "ghost" in The Olde Pink House who is known for pinching ladies' tushes. If you feel a goose, say "Oh, Mr. Habersham!" and faint. They will serve you liquor until you come to. &nbs...
Posted by on Wed, 16 May 2007 00:02:00 GMT

Sixth Sight, Or What You Will: Dear Leigh

Though I face dual commands from Ms Leigh,- to stay in the mystery and to reveal six hidden things about myself,- the latter is a direct order and cannot be avoided without repercussions such as ...
Posted by on Wed, 28 Feb 2007 13:35:00 GMT

November In Your Soul?

Even if life is so pressing only a moment can be spared, let’s all take that moment to breathe... let go of anxieties, fears, and copyright infringement... Call me Ishmael. Some ...
Posted by on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 17:43:00 GMT

Best Worst Counsel from an Advice Columnist

Although it is the funniest advice I've ever gotten, I don't know if I'm more offended that Yes, Andy! called me a knob, assumed I was a 13-year old boy, or implied that Sam is not real. Everyone kno...
Posted by on Mon, 04 Dec 2006 06:46:00 GMT

The Ouwt of Whetowic: Dear Lote

Get over it already, me busting your chops on the porch that day. Okay, after this one thing, you big effin' baby. Sheesh, I could nehhhhh-ver call you an asshole. Remember I told you, ...
Posted by on Sun, 03 Dec 2006 11:28:00 GMT

In Defense of Pooty: Dear Damian

I like to talk about it in terms of my living Georgia O'Keefe painting. What you call "down there" I refer to as New Mexico, the Land of Enchantment, with its rainy and dry spells. My favorite is mons...
Posted by on Fri, 24 Nov 2006 10:23:00 GMT

The etymological creep of the cognates...

Preservative, (you know, jelly), as well as Präservativ, prezervativ, preservativo, and prezerwatywa all derive from the French préservatif. In all languages but English, the predominant meaning of th...
Posted by on Fri, 15 Sep 2006 12:46:00 GMT

Top 5 Things Yelled At Me On University Avenue Today

5. Git it, git it, git it, git it, git it, git it, git it, git it, git it git it! 4. Hey, baby, what you want for breakfast tomorrow? 3. Red and black are out of style! 2. What's your name. What...
Posted by on Thu, 24 Aug 2006 12:30:00 GMT

Blemishes, Fetishes, and That Guy in the Alley

I got stung by a wasp yesterday. I woke up: the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the ducks were fucking... so I stepped right outside for my morning constitution...
Posted by on Wed, 26 Jul 2006 14:15:00 GMT