My supposed name is Cory Feldman. I am a true Fat man at heart, but I'm losing weight. I like to sit around and stare at walls. I have a Cinderella Ring Back Tone. I drive a PT Cruiser with flames on it. I'm known as God's Sick Joke. I once burnt my kitchen down while drunk attempting to cook chicken fingers in really hot oil while talking to Kevin on the phone. I once chugged a King Cobra and immediately puked off of a 3 story balcony. I dropped out of "college". I can say awesome in 4 different ways. I make out with milfs (hell even that's in a dry spell). I have Sirius satelite radio. I love dogs. I once mooned the entire town of Mauldin and had to make a public apology for it. I am a retired umpire. I am a myspace whore, it's an instant cure to boredom. I drink to lose control and lose control to drink. My dream is to be 40 and start a band so I can impress eleventeen year olds, however I won't make it to 40, thus making this a dream that will never happen, just like ALL DREAMS NEVER HAPPEN! I fucking hate alarm clocks. I fucking hate pennies. I once puked at 4:30 in the afternoon in public in front of a Papa Johns. I've had way too many fucking jobs. I was once a Bi-lo Crew member. I was part of the MGE House '03. I egg hobos (joogies) for pure enjoyment. I despise Old People. I hate fake people. I enjoy showering, then I fall asleep and just fall. I did Atkins once. I have a cell phone. I ghost hunt when I'm bored. I still train monkeys to use computers. I'm part of Corporate America. My dad is the best guitarist you've never heard of. I want to be in a band but that won't happen. I'm a bit too emo at times, in fact I'm just flat out emo. I'm going to die alone. I don't know if that's more emo or more goth? I spend my sundays in sports bars yelling at televisions because the panthers suck. I have diabetis, i'm on track to losing my left foot. I like Pink Floyd. I stole a fire extinguisher from Mauldin High School once. I worked for WROQ 101 as an intern and that's my life highlight. I once got shot in the ass with a potato gun for $20. I like chicken wings. Go to buffalo's in Greenville and look for the Lord of the Wings picture. Say hi to Bunny. People who try too hard are annoying. I once drove in reverse down an interstate to avoid a check point because i was drunk with no license. I snorted a pill once. The Carolina Panthers are my life. I like other teams and sports, too. I was Ground Zero's bartender for like a day. I huffed glue once. I got hit in the face with a baseball when i was 12, that's why my lip seems different, then i got hit in the face with a golf club because i broke a door. I use to manage bands for one second. I like taking people out. I don't like to be by myself because I don't trust me. I'm the best drunk driver if there is such a category. Crump took a shit on my back window. I play frisbee golf. I own Greenville. I still drink a lot of alcohol. I use to be the most apologentic and nice person ever. I don't date. I want to. I got kicked out of PTI because I was too fat to keep up with the running 17 year olds through the federal pound you in the ass prison. I hate being hoed out. I hate working nights, that's why i'm on first shift now. I hate Mondays. I despise Tuesdays. Wednesdays are the same as Tuesdays just for the fact that it's not Tuesday. I hate any day that's not Friday or Saturday. I can't fucking stand people who use 'LOL' after every god damn sentence. People who use it in general already piss me off. OMG I peed, LOL. OMG my cat jumped on a towel LOL. You wouldn't laugh at yourself after every sentence in real life would you? Science have mercy on your "soul" if you do. My real name is Cory Wells and I prefer that. I'm your party favor. 2000. Old People. I'm about to disappear for good. Doin da butt. Whatever, suck it. You will be missed.
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