Jay, the one and only

I was born in the northern woods of Wisconsin were all of my extended family still live today, six aunts and uncles on my dad’s side and a few others on my mom’s. I don’t see them much at all anymore and never see family from my mom’s side so collectively their impact on my life is minimal. I love the northern country though. My dad was in the air force and moved us to Ohio when I was little at the air force’s behest. Shortly there after my parents separated. My mom stayed in Ohio where she still lives and my Dad moved to Florida. I was raised by my mom. I grew up in a small suburb, if you can call it that, where the best job was anywhere union at a manufacturing plant. I grew up poor but didn’t really know it, that is, everyone in my world had just as much as I did so I didn’t feel as poor as I now know I was. I played with my two closest friends who I still talk to, mostly outside adventure games we called survival missions, burning things, building things, making use of the junk around as weapons or other tools for survival. There was also the occasional role-playing of either Ninja Turtles or Mario brothers; it didn’t matter what so long as it involved wrestling and fighting. I was happy. My dad got out of the air force and found a farther place to live than Florida, California. My first summer visits California were extremely tantalizing to me; I imagine that it would be somewhat similar to how a poor villager in Zimbabwe would feel if given a portable radio, awe, joy, a sudden step up, something to make him feel better off than he was. I moved out here to California in High School and immediately started to reconstruct my world-view based on more tastily things like money, technology, and expensive hobbies. I wanted to work in special effects, then anything in computers, because they were new to me and cool. I wanted to be successful, whatever that means at thirteen. I followed through with that set of ideas until I was kicked out after graduating and the pendulum lost momentum and started swinging back to the place it came from. Now, six or so years later, the glamour that once captivated me about computers, money, success, and even California has faded. I still love California or more correctly, the Bay Area but I no longer want lots of money, I wont work at a computer no matter what, and my definition of success has evolved into a different species. Currently I want to become a High School History teacher and I look forward to future hobbies I might be able to take up where I can turn my time into a skill and see reward from my efforts; those interests are beekeeping and breeding finches. That hasn’t happened yet, no, right now I’m living with a friend and his dad having moved here from Sacramento and I’m working for starbucks, and I should start subbing mid next week. My different living situations and ambitions has taught me to enjoy the journey for the sake of it rather than anticipating the destination. Its taught me to be more open-minded to others, which really means being more accepting and less judgmental, especially of myself. But most importantly its taught me that I should do what I want to do, not necessarily what I think other people will approve of. That has allowed me to have fun, to try new things whenever the opportunity arises, to be greedy about experiences, to hold on to the things I love in my life, and to let the remainder go. The lessons I’ve learned and the person I am now is a work in progress. I’m running on theory, a framework built out of necessity, patched up with quick fixes, filled with extra parts, and surly lacking other essential ones. What I know is that the more I learn, the more I become aware of how little I know. I think this quote from malcom X works here, "If we don’t go into the past and find out how we got this way, we will think that we were always this way. And if you think that you were in the condition that you’re in right now, it’s impossible for you to have too much confidence in yourself, you become worthless, almost nothing."