I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I amI don't live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and SpamI don't brag to my buddies about my erectionsI won't drive to Hell before I ask for directionsI don't get wasted at parties and act like a clownand I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your buttmy belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gutand I don't go around "readjusting" my crotchor yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notchI don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behindI'm a woman you see -- I'm just not that kind!I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could singI don't have body hair like shag carpetingIt doesn't grow from my ears or cover my backWhen I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crackAnd what's on my head doesn't leave with my combI'll never buy a toupee to cover my domeOr have a few hairs pulled from over the sideI'm a woman, you know -- I've got far too much pride!And I honestly think its a privilege for meto have these two boobs and squat when I peeI don't live to play golf and shoot basketballI don't swagger and spit like a NeanderthalI won't tell you my wife just does not understandstick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold bandor tell you a story to make you sigh and weepthen screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!Yes, I'm glad I'm a woman, a woman you seeyou can forget all about that old penis envyI don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicksjoin the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dickI'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful it's trueI'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!